Doin’ It Well

As “Doin’ It Well,” we talk often about communicating with your partner about what you want and enjoy sexually Recently a reader suggested we explore “first weekend hook-ups.” If you do have a one-night-stand, how can you have the communication – and experience – that you’re looking for?

What’s your expectation?

Before a hookup, the people involved may have different expectations: is this a “no-strings attached” experience (NSA), or are you interested in the possibility of a relationship afterwards? Will you spend the night together, or just be there for the sex? And what will happen when you see each other afterwards?

Sometimes people may not be aware of what they want until they hook up with someone, or they weren’t even expecting to hook up in the first place. If expectations are thought about, they are often unspoken between partners. . If spoken, it may take the form of “sweet talking” or promising a certain experience for the other person, whether physical or emotional. While sweet talk can be honest, may can just as easily share the version of the truth they think is most likely to get them laid (i.e. “Of course this is more than just a hook up.”) If we think about it, sweet talk doesn’t help us be honest with ourselves, or our partners.

Of Studs and Sluts

When it comes to hooking up, men and women often suffer the negative consequences of traditional gender role expectations We expect men to be sexually aggressive, boastful of their one-night-stands, and only interested in NSA sex. We expect women to be sexually timid or repressed, unless they’ve been drinking, and more interested in relationships. But we’ve heard from men who hooked up and were interested in a relationship, but did not pursue it because of worries about both rejection and how men are “supposed” to act. Women have shared that even if they wanted something afterward, they felt they should not expect it, and waited to see if their partner would bring it up.. It seems that at least some of the time, this lack of communication causes needs to go unmet.

Know Your Self

We know that both men and women can feel disappointed or guilty after hooking up because their expectations were different from their partner’s. It may be helpful to consider ahead of time what you’re looking for, even though hooking up can be spontaneous and unexpected. . If you hope in the back of your head that you find someone to have sex with, what might you want from that experience? Is there a specific person you are thinking about, and what might you want after? Are you only interested in a sexual/physical relationship and nothing more? Do you want to be friends with benefits? Or do you hope a relationship might come afterwards? Your expectations - or the emotional reactions you know you might have - can help you understand what might happen after the hookup.

Something to Talk About

Once you have a sense of yourself, it can be easier to share this with a partner, even if a sexual situation arises spontaneously. . Maybe it is not realistic to think people are going to begin expressing their desires upfront during the prelude. But wouldn’t it be amazing if we could? We all have sex for a variety of reasons, some physical, some emotional, and some social. Thinking and talking about our hopes for the hookup can help us meet those needs.

Seeing Each Other

So, you have just shared an intimate, vulnerable experience with someone. Now what?. How will you talk about the experience? How will you react when you see them out next weekend? What, if anything, will we tell our friends? Regardless of how deep or superficial the sexual experience, the person we just hooked up with is a person, and deserves compassion and respect. How we interact with or talk about that person later is a continuation of our experience with that person. Being sexually responsible also means being respectful about our hookups.. It might seem unrealistic and we can’t control how others might act, but we can make sure we are being sex positive ourselves.

This also means fighting the sex negative hating. Don’t hate on women or men who want to hookup, whatever their motivations. This means we don’t chastise the guy who said respectfully and honestly that he’d like to hook up but isn’t interested in a relationship. It also means we don’t make comments like “I wouldn’t date a woman I’ve hooked up with.” We have to celebrate the sexual behaviors of everyone. We may not all want the same thing, but if we’re open and honest, there’s no reason we can’t respect the choices of others.

Check us out next week when we’ll share our interview with national sex educator and advocate, Jessica Yee!

Send Jo and Ross your questions or ideas to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Dear Jo & Ross:
Here’s a column idea for you: what to do when you’ve stumbled upon your partner’s “goody drawer?” I recently came across my partner’s stash and want to talk to him about it. I am usually comfortable discussing sexual topics but this feels a little difficult.

- LK

Dear LK:

Thanks for the excellent question! As  you may know, research is showing that most people have used sex toys at some point or another, and many use them regularly. So, we’re sure other readers have found themselves unsure of how to approach this same situation.

This may feel different than other sexual discussions because you’ve discovered something about your partner that is both private and that they haven’t shared with you yet. You may want to respect their privacy, but you may also be eager to tell them you’ve found their sex toy stash so that you are no longer holding a “secret.” Of course being open and honest in our relationships is always the best medicine for true intimacy, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy!

Doin’ It Normal

Remember, self pleasuring is perfectly healthy, normal and - while most people engage in masturbation - not everyone does. In addition, the frequency and style of solo sex varies from person to person. The bottom line:  their solo sex life might be different than yours (more or less often, with or without toys) and that’s OK. Also remember that people who are in relationships masturbate just as frequently (some studies say more often) than those who are not partnered.  Just because your partner uses sex toys does not mean that they are not happy or satisfied with your shared sexual behaviors..

Start With You

Figuring out what you are feeling about finding the “goody drawer” may help guide the discussion you have with your partner. Your reaction might depend on when in the relationship you stumbled upon the sex cache.  Your reaction might also depend on how sexual the two of you have been together. Either way, it presents a good opportunity to discuss many areas of sex with each other.

Pay attention to the feelings you are experiencing.  Are you intrigued, afraid, excited, turned-off, turned-on, worried, surprised, or pleased? A combination of these and other reactions are normal, but remember, your reaction is about you, your sexual values, scripts and beliefs. Your reactions to your partner’s sex toys says a lot about who you are sexually, so explore these aspects first and be careful not to focus too much on what this means about your partner. At the same time, it will probably be helpful to consider what this means for you in a relationship with this person.

Asking yourself some questions first may help guide what you want to say to your partner when you do bring it up. Do you want to incorporate some of their toys into your partnered sex? Do you want to learn what toys they have and how they use them in order to learn more about what they like? Are you curious what those toys mean (if anything) about their sexual relationship to you? Would you rather not know what toys they use, how, and with what frequency?

Bringing It Up

Although it can feel awkward, we recommend a direct approach to discussing this with your partner. Choose a time (or create a time) when the two of you are connecting or talking with each other, and simply say something like, “I accidentally stumbled across your ‘goody drawer,’  and I wanted to talk about it if you’re up for that.” Keep in mind that you’ve been able to take some time to react to finding your partner’s toys. Once you bring this up with them, it might be a good idea to allow them some time to react, too. You may also want to give them permission to choose to keep that part of their life private. Or, this would be a good time to share with them that you have a goody drawer, too!

Closing the Drawer

Keep in mind that your partner may not want to talk about their sex toy use in detail or they may not want to share their toys with you! Their solo sex life is theirs, and it’s up to them which aspects, if any, they want to share with you. This does not need to distract from your partnered sex, especially if the two of you can talk openly and honestly. Doing so will ultimately bring you closer together, which will enhance pleasure and fulfillment.

Check us out next week as we explore another reader topic suggestion: the day after the hookup.

Jo & Ross write for you! Send them a question or suggestion to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Recently, Ross was talking to a friend who took a pole dancing class at Flirty Girl Fitness, a gym in Chicago that specializes in exercise a la strip club dancing. She and her friends really enjoyed the experience, so “Doin’ It Well” decided to interview these women to find out more about their perspectives and understand stripper aerobics a little better.

Over the past five years, pole and chair dancing classes, along with a host of other stripper-inspired fitness routines have swept the nation. Even before Carmen Electra released her Aerobic Striptease videos, women who are not working in strip clubs have wanted to learn how to perform like women who do. Many women who take these classes leave in awe of the performance of women in strip clubs, of the muscle strength and control that the moves take, all while looking sexy.

Where the Girls Are

Flirty Girl boasts they are “Chicago’s hottest women’s fitness and lifestyle facility.” In addition to pole dancing, chair dancing, video vixen classes, women can also take kickboxing or boot camp classes, get manicure or visit the bar (juice or liquor). Imani (a pseudonym) said, “Probably what I liked most was that they seemed to be very focused on promoting women’s health and empowerment — there were a number of classes… that were not in the pole dancing ‘genre’, but that were geared towards general women’s fitness, like kickboxing.”

As a women-only club, men aren’t even allowed in the waiting room. As Sasha said, “The class was a lot of fun and the instructor made it fun. She encouraged us to feel comfortable in our own skin and that made it enjoyable. Also, the space is strictly for women so that made it a nice place to hang out.” Grad Student added, ” I think there are a lot of women who [have wanted] to be that woman for a while - intrigued by what they know about strip clubs - and like the opportunity to try that in a way that feels safer and gives you more control.”

The women also found Flirty Girl to be welcoming because as women of color, they appreciated that many of the women who were staff and customers were also women of color. Grad Student said, “It didn’t feel like we had to ascribe to ideal/European standards of sexy. There were all different body sizes and shapes… Women were there in sweats and ponytails, not all done up and made up to be super gorgeous. It was more like a real gym class.”

Sexual Empowerment on a Pole

We asked the women if the experience changed how they felt about themselves sexually. Several of the women talked about feeling freer with their bodies after the classes. Imani said, “I tend to be less comfortable with my sexuality, particularly in comparison to some of my friends. Going to Flirty Girl helped me to ‘come out of my shell’ and feel a little more comfortable with moving my body in more sexual ways.” Others talked about feeling more sensual and more connected to their bodies after the experience.

If Pole Dance Occurs Without a Man Around, Does It Objectify?

The women who went to Flirty Girl Fitness were very clear that they did not feel objectified during their visit at Flirty Girl. Sasha said, “The instructor made us feel comfortable with our sexuality and it was not about pleasing a man or learning these techniques to attract men.” Grad Student added, “I feel 10 times more objectified in an everyday night club than I do in these classes.”

It raises some interesting questions: Is strippercise liberating? Or are we buying into the same messages we’ve been told about ourselves? For women who perform in strip clubs, dancing is their job, and they act out a fantasy for the viewer. Strippercise allows women to perform the stripper role without it being tied to paying their bills. Strippercise is marketed as an avenue for sexual liberation and weight loss – two things women are often told they aren’t doing well enough. But it’s also part of a larger porn-inspired phenomenon, encouraging women’s sexual empowerment by acting like sex workers. This benefits the sex industry from a simple marketing perspective: men want her, women want to be her.

At the same time, it may not be objectifying if objectification relies on someone else watching. All we know for sure is that in these experiences these women aren’t dupes; they are making choices about their own bodies and sexuality, aware of the complex messages about what it means to be a woman and “sexy.” And they felt empowered by it and enjoyed it. As Firewoman said, “[Y]ou felt comfortable in your own skin and learned how you can be sexy and healthy at the same time.”It is perhaps each of our ability to make these thoughtful choices that keeps us “Doin’ It Well.”

Check us out next week when we’ll explore a reader question about what to do when you find your partner’s “goody drawer!”

Sex 411: Flirty Fun

Flirty Girl Fitness, 1325 W. Randolph, Chicago

www.flirtygirlfitness.com

Send Jo and Ross your questions and thoughts to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

We would like to welcome all the new and returning students and staff to the University of Illinois and to our weekly sex column in Buzz! While you’re busy exploring new schedules and the social scene, we at “Doin’ It Well” explore a new sex topic each week for your reading enjoyment. We welcome questions, comments and feedback. Our column is designed to meet the sexual health needs of the community; we want to write about topics you want to know about!

Toybox
Sexual aids and toys can include anything used to enhance sex play. We often think of items like vibrators and dildos, but other toys include anal and vaginal beads, butt plugs, cock rings, nipple clamps, games, blindfolds, and handcuffs. While people have been using more than just their body parts for sexual stimulation for many years, documentation of who is using sex toys and how often is scarce. But two recent studies offer some insight: lots of Americans use sex toys regularly - and it’s good for their health!

Friendly Users
In July, The Journal of Sexual Medicine published two studies from the University of Indiana. The researchers asked a nationally representative sample of Americans and found sex toy use to be common among both women and men! The findings are a wonderful addition to sexual science, especially since many people hold erroneous beliefs about who uses sex toys and why. We often believe that women mostly use sex toys, that lesbians must be using them, and that most men are threatened by vibrators, especially their use during sex with a partner. Or, we might think that only the sexually adventurous or “freaky” people use sexual aids, and that they are mostly used during masturbation. These recent studies show us something different.

Turning It On
The studies included over 2,000 women and 1,000 men between the ages of 18 and 60, and revealed that 52% of women and 45% of men have used a vibrator at some point, with 25 percent of women and 10 percent of men having done so within the last month. Most heterosexual men reported using vibrators during foreplay or intercourse with a female partner, but 17% said they also used a vibrator for masturbation. Until now, vibrator use among men had not been documented.

Vibrator Users Experience Better Sexual Health
Another exciting outcome from these studies is that men and women who use vibrators reported increased pro sexual behaviors. According to study findings, women who use vibrators were more likely to have had a gynecological exam within the last year and to perform genital self-exams. Men who used them were more likely to conduct testicular self-exams. Both men and women who use vibrators reported increased levels of sexual functioning including desire, arousal, orgasm and sexual satisfaction,

Of course we do not know for sure the exact correlation between vibrator use and pro sexual behaviors. It may be that those who are comfortable enough to purchase and use sex toys - even with a partner - are also more comfortable accessing sexual health information and talking to a healthcare provider. It makes sense that those who use sex toys welcome and embrace mutual sexual pleasure and therefore report higher levels of desire, satisfaction and sexual functioning. More studies like this might help us understand attitudes about how we approach sexuality, recognizing that celebrating sexuality and pleasure has a positive effect on people’s overall well-being including physical health.

Sex Toy Safety
If you’re currently using or thinking about adding sex toys to your repertoire, here are some tips to ensure you’re keeping it safe.
• Using a toy on only one person or on both partners in non genital areas offers virtually no risk for sexually transmitted diseases, and no risk of pregnancy.
• Remember that sex toys can cause fluid exchange or “skin to skin contact” if used between partners. To reduce STD risk, use a condom on the toy (and change it if you use it on more than one person) or make sure each partner has their own toy that is used only on them.
• If you insert a toy into the rectum, use one that has a flared base, go slowly and use lots of lube.

Finally, Jo & Ross would like to give a shout out to one of our biggest fans: Thanks for reading, Omp! Keep the great column ideas coming and as always, keep “Doin’ It Well.”

Check out “Doin’ It Well” next week as we get physical.

Sex 411: Where the wild toys are
Locally we recommend Illini Arcade or Fantasy’s
Online check out: www.goodvibes.com, www.babeland.com, or www.early2bed.com for toys and safety tips!

Jo & Ross like hearing from their readers. Send them your comments and questions at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com!

While there’s nothing new about sexual partners taking explicit photos of each other or making sexual films, we recently realized we haven’t seen much discussion about filming yourself during sex or why people might want to film themselves. We may hear about an “amateur” video or celeb sex tape, but not about what to consider if you’re thinking about it. Although our AV skills are minimal, “Doin’ It Well” decided to give our readers some tips on filming it well!

Coming soon!
What exactly is the allure of snapping a sexy picture of yourself or your partner, or making a sex tape? It may be the element of exhibitionism and performance. Other people may not be watching, but the film’s own creator(s) could watch themselves. It becomes a way to step outside of yourself and watch your body, your partner and your sexual activities in a new way.

The film (or pictures) may also be a way to communicate feelings for a partner. Sending a sexy picture or video might be both erotic and intimate. Remember, as we discussed in our column on “sexting,” [“Sext Ed,” June, 12, 2008] sending or receiving a sexual image of a minor – even if you’re a minor yourself – counts as distribution of child pornography and is illegal! But if you’re both of age and it’s consensual, a sex tape might be a way to send a care package to a long-distance lover, or give a special gift your partner won’t forget. With a partner, filming sex may be something both partners want to explore as a way to spice up the relationship. And individuals with or without a partner might like the thrill of filming their solo sex and watching it later.

Where to Start
.If you’re interested in recording your sexcapades, talk with your partner and see how they feel about it first. Clearly, recording someone without their permission is not sexy or cool – it’s sexually violating. By talking about it, you may find that, your partner is really excited about making a tape, which would make the video much sexier. They may be horrified, or intrigued but unsure. Talk with each other about what you would like to get out of the experience. Will it be a turn on just to be filmed? Will you want to watch the tape together (or alone) later? What will you film-intimate moments or the recreation of a porn plot? And what is it about seeing them on film that you would enjoy?

Chances are your partner may have reservations about being filmed. One of the main reservations is that the images may be shared either intentionally or accidentally. Being filmed may also bring up anxieties about the ways our bodies look or our sexual performance. There are alternatives to taping. Making love in front of a mirror, or having a camera set up but turned off might add a thrill, and allow you to see what it might feel like to be filmed, if you do decide to record yourselves.

Green Lighting
If you and your partner(s) are into the idea, you’ll need some equipment. If you’re planning on filming your sexual activities, you’ll need a camera that has enough memory and resolution. Also, you might consider purchasing a tripod. They are relatively cheap, and it will be much easier than propping a camera up on a nightstand. Finally, think about lighting. This isn’t a summer blockbuster, but you’ll need enough light for the camera to catch what’s going on. If that feels like too much trouble, purchase a camera with an infrared feature. Sure, you’ll have that eerie green pall over you, but it will be worth it!

No One Likes a Pirate
We cannot stress enough that filming someone during sex must be consensual. Not only can it be illegal to film someone without their permission, it’s disrespectful and dishonest to film sex without the knowledge of others.

Additionally, this means that no one has the right to share someone else’s image with their friends – or the world. We’re all familiar with the “celeb sex tape” videos, not all of which claim to be consensually recorded, with men bragging about releasing pictures of their (surprise, now-ex) girlfriends. This is definitely not “Doin’ It Well.” Even Paris Hilton has publicly discouraged young women from making sex tapes because of how easily they can be shared. Some suggest that you should only film yourself if you’re okay with everyone seeing it. Even if you trust someone completely at the time, you might want to think about what the consequences would be if they released these images. If you are ever in doubt, you can always tape yourselves, and then delete it afterwards. You still have the experience without the possibility of winding up on some user-driven porn site. Remember, just in case, hit erase.

Jo and Ross are looking for your questions and ideas. Send them to us at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Vulvodynia is a chronic pain condition that affects…you guessed it…the vulva! Because vulvodynia is not well known or understood - even within the medical community - we felt it was time to discuss it in Doin’ It Well. . We were thrilled to see that as we were writing this column, news stories were also being reported on this very topic (Good Morning America, 20/20, and on Oprah’s radio show). Addressing vulvodynia in our column felt very timely indeed!

What Is It?
When considering vulvar and vaginal health, it’s important to know whether the problem is occurring outside the body (vulva) or inside the vagina. Vulvodynia, simply put, is chronic vulvar pain without an identifiable cause. Remember, the vulva is the external organs of the female genitalia, including the clitoris, inner and outer lips, urethral opening and the “vestibule” which surrounds the vaginal opening.

Women with vulvodynia experience pain on the outside of the body (the vulva). The type of pain, location, and severity varies. According to the National Vulvodynia Association, the most commonly reported symptom is burning. Other symptoms include stinging, a stabbing feeling, irritation, and rawness. Some women have described the feeling as a “constant knife-like pain” or “acid being poured on my skin.” Descriptions and experiences vary, and women of all ages, ethnicities and backgrounds can experience vulvar pain.

Subtypes
There are two main types of vulvodynia: Vulvar Vestibulitis Syndrome and Generalized Vulvodynia. Vulvar Vestibulitis is pain limited to the vestibule. The pain with this type usually occurs during or after pressure is applied to the vestibule, such as from intercourse, tampon use, or a gynecological exam. Even prolonged sitting or wearing fitted pants can cause pain.

With Generalized Vulvodynia the pain may be localized or experienced in several areas, may be more constant or occur spontaneously. Pressure to the vulva tends to exacerbate symptoms.

Talk About It!
We are pleased to see the recent media attention given to vulvodynia. For too long, healthcare providers and the public alike have not known enough about this disorder that, according to one Harvard study, affects millions of women. This same study, which was funded by the National Institutes of Health, also found that 60 percent of women who suffered from vulvodynia consulted at least three doctors in search of a diagnosis and an astounding 40 percent who sought professional help remained undiagnosed after three medical consultations!

Unfortunately, we don’t know much about the causes, but we do know that vulvodynia is not caused by an active infection or an STD. Researchers believe that there may be a few possible causes and risk factors including injury to the nerves that supply sensation to the vulva, abnormal cell response to environmental factors, genetic factors leading to susceptibility to vestibular inflammation and chronic pain, muscle spasms, and hypersensitivity to Candida (yeast).

The complexity of vulvodynia causes millions of women to go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years. For example, a woman suffering from vulvodynia may not have any physical symptoms such as redness, swelling or an infection. At a gynecological exam, the level of pain may not be reflected in physical presentation of symptoms. Many women may be told that it’s “all in their head,” or may spend years untreated, going from one healthcare provider to another trying to find answers.

Dx & Tx
If you experience vulvar pain, there are a number of resources available to you! Check out the National Vulvodynia Association website listed in the Sex 411. Also, take this information with you when you visit with your healthcare provider, and be sure to ask them if they have heard of or have treated women with vulvodynia. If not, ask if they can direct you to a provider who has!

After ruling out other possible conditions, a healthcare provider experienced with treating vulvodynia will make a diagnosis and offer treatment recommendations which may include lifestyle changes, coping strategies for chronic pain, eliminating feminine products or other possible irritants, oral or topical medications, pelvic floor muscle therapy, or surgery.

Remember that each experience is unique; some cases are mild, others are incapacitating. We want to stress that there are treatments available, but no single treatment works equally well for all women. By increasing our knowledge of vulvodynia, we can begin to seek treatment, educate others, advocate for more research, and find overdue relief.

Check us out next week as Doin’ It Well looks at getting caught on tape.

Sex 411: Vulvodynia Support
National Vulvodynia Association www.nva.org was started by women who experienced vulvodynia. NVA serves both women who suffer from vulvodynia and the health care providers who treat the disorder and have an online self help program

Another great resource is The Vulvodynia Survival Guide (Glazer & Rodke, 2002).

E-mail your questions to Jo and Ross at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

It’s not easy going “green,” but many of us are trying our best. Purchasing fuel efficient cars and biking when possible, recycling, or picking up litter – we all do our part to take care of our environment. But have you ever thought about the joys of going “green”…in bed? 

Safe Toys, Green Toys

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about the safety of toys –children’s toys. . One of the materials in question is phthalates (pronounced FAY-lates), an additive used to soften rigid plastics. Research has suggested that phthalates may leach into our bodies when it comes into contact with sensitive tissue, such as the mouth, potentially causing damage to the endocrine system and birth defects. In fact, Europe has banned phthalates from use in children’s toys, and California has also restricted some phthalates from use. Phthalates are also a common ingredient in vibrators, dildos, and other sex toys. Greenpeace released a report stating that – in their small study – 7 out of 8 sex toys contained phthalates and urged both manufacturers and consumers to seek alternatives.

Fortunately, the sex toy industry has a number of phthalate-free options; you just need to know what to look for. Sex toys containing phthalates are often listed as “For novelty purposes only,” but when in doubt, ask the store if they know whether the toys contains these chemicals. “Jelly rubber” toys or other soft plastics most likely do. To be on the safe side, select toys that are made of acrylic, glass, chrome, silicone, elastomers (a porous, phthalate-free rubber), or even wood. Sex shop Toys in Babeland (NewYork) has developed an excellent online guide for selecting a safe, green toy.

Save Your Energy

There are also options for powered toys to avoid wasting batteries. A number of toys on the market are rechargeable or plug directly into the wall. Or consider using rechargeable batteries in your favorite toys. For the truly dedicated, you can purchase a solar-chargeable vibrator (like Sola Vibe), or even a wind-up vibrator (like Earth Angel)!

Batteries are also a drain upon landfills. Before tossing your toys’ batteries, consider recycling them. Urbana Public Works accepts single-use and rechargeable batteries at several locations. Call them for more information.

The Search for a “Green” Condom

Birth control isn’t just important for individuals – it may also be important for the environment! An unplanned pregnancy can be both a financial burden and an environmental one, contributing to overpopulation. From condoms to diaphragms (reusable, therefore less waste) to Intra-Uterine Devices (IUD’s) to hormonal pills and shots, you some people weigh the environmental costs versus the usefulness of the birth-control method. Condoms (latex or polyurethane), however, are the only way to provide barrier protection against both STD’s and pregnancy. However, condoms are notoriously not biodegradable, derived from rubber plants on unsustainable farms with unsafe working conditions, and sometimes include milk-derivatives.

There are some other alternatives. If you’re in a monogamous, STD-free relationship, lambskin condoms can be used to prevent pregnancy, but they do not protect against HIV or other STDs. Additionally, condom manufacturers (like Condomi) have produced some vegan-friendly condoms. So far, we’ve only found one condom – UK-based French Letter – that is made from Fair-Trade latex and is also vegan. That’s just about as green as condoms can safely get!

Good Enough to Eat!

Of course, long before humans decided to produce their own sex toys, Mother Nature had already developed a long line of sexual aids. Vegetables – like zucchinis or carrots – can also be used as sex toys. Be sure to wash the food   and always use a condom during penetration, as food inserted into the vagina can change the PH balance and cause infection. Because of this, when it comes to lube, you might be better off buying an organic or all-natural product versus trying something from your cupboard. Never use vegetables for anal penetration; without the flared base, a “toy” can become accidentally lodged in the rectum.

Good Earth Lovin’

The range of eco-sexy possibilities is endless. There are organic and eco-friendly lubes, made without animal testing, all-natural ingredients, and without petroleum-derivatives or paraben. Rather than using leather or other animal products, there are recycled rubber inner-tube dildo harnesses (from In Her Tube),

vegan body paints, and eco-friendly massage oils. And although hemp lingerie might not sound (or feel) sexy, there are bamboo sheets and organic cotton underwear, t-shirts and much more.

Don’t forget to fight water waste by sharing a shower with your partner, or light some sensual candles and cut down on your electric use. Provide Mother Nature with a little love, and she might just return the favor!

Be sure to read next week when we’ll explain vulvodynia.

Sex 411: Eco-Sexual Guides

Toys in Babeland’s Eco-Friendly Guide

http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/features/eco-sex-toys

Good Vibrations’ Ecorotic Collection

www.goodvibrations.com

Jo and Ross want you to save a tree; write us an e-mail to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com. 

For many folks, the nice weather provides a great opportunity for some outdoor exploration. Whether you’re camping, hiking, rock climbing, or canoeing, there are a number of amazing and beautiful places to explore within driving distance. But doing it well outdoors can take some preparation. Take a hike with Doin’ It Well as we uncover the keys to happy campers!

Hiking, camping, and other outdoor activities can be amazing aphrodisiacs. When fording streams, climbing mountains, or other strenuous activities, the cooperative work involved brings campers closer – sometimes intimately.  The long stretches of solitude surrounded by nature provide ample opportunity for flirting and sex. And the thin layer of tent between you and nature (or other campers) – or having sex outdoors – may be a fun, safer way to explore your exhibitionist fantasies! So it’s no wonder that campers have been doing it for years.

Essential Gear

Campers (especially those who backpack) are infamous for meticulous packing. For backpackers the weight of each of the items is critical. People who are traveling by RV or “car camping” (camping at a drive-up site) may have a lot more room to bring both essentials and indulgences. Fortunately, there are a lot of supplies that will make sex a lot quicker and easier whether you’re in the backcountry or a state park – and they won’t weigh you down!

When you’re bedding down, think about bringing a sleeping pad  to provide a little cushion; you’ll appreciate the extra padding. Additionally, there are a number of accessories for sleeping bags which will make your romp more comfortable. Some sleeping bags are designed to zip together (making your twin-sized bed into a double), and you can also purchase a soft silk sleeping bag liner which will add a luxurious touch. In addition, bring a lightweight sheet or blanket. Whether you’re away from the tent when the mood strikes or if you just want to protect your sleeping bag from unnecessary fluids, the blanket may be your best friend.

You’ll also want to pack your normal sexcessories. Whether or not you need them for safe sex, condoms will help with the cleanup. And unless you want to recreate the tent scene from Brokeback Mountain, you may want to bring some lube.  Many lubes are sold in tiny pillow pouches, perfect for the traveler. Keep these in an easy-to-reach spot in your pack.

When you’ve gone several days without a shower – let alone running water – it may be difficult to feel fresh enough to get fresh. Toothpaste, gum, or mouthwash can all be handy. For below the belt, take some personal wipes  for a quick pre-sex wash or post-sex cleanup.

Finally, think about what else you might be able to bring to set the mood. Scented candles and incense may seem sexy, but could also be fire hazards in the right circumstances.  Instead, bring massage oils which can bring the erotic aromas without the forest fire. Additionally, pack one or two “romantic meals” – something that may be special and require slightly more preparation. When you’re camping, the smallest treats can feel like an amazing luxury.

Camping in Bare Country

Seasoned campers follow a number of rules both for their own safety and to protect the environment.  When you’re having sex, be aware that you might not be the only ones on that trail, river, or bluff. Although the thought of people watching or listening may add to the excitement, nothing interrupts a family campout quicker than noisy sex from the tent next door.  Have fun with silent sex: find a secluded location for your tent or for outdoor sex-a spot well off the trail. Remember how easily noise travels in the stillness of nature; although trees or running water muffle noise –  it might also mean that you will be just as surprised as anyone who stumbles across you!  

Remember poison ivy, oak, sumac, and stinging nettle can make a fun romp sadly unforgettable. Also, although sex in the water may seem like a good idea, bacteria and microorganisms can cause infections.

Give a Hoot!

For our fellow campers, we have to leave everything better than we found it. Pick up discarded condoms and wrappers, and pack them back to a garbage can. When you are backpacking, bodily fluids can attract animals, so be sure to keep your trash tied up and secured properly.  Or, you can buy eco-friendly lube and lambskin condoms (though these don’t protect against STDs), which are biodegradable!

Additionally, when you’re looking for a place to lay, find a spot where you won’t disturb the plants or compact the soil. In many forests, the leaves or pine needles create a soft natural mattress. But you may also find that sandy beaches, stone outcroppings, or even snow (with some good insulation) make great beds without disturbing the ecosystem.

Remember, take only pictures, leave only back prints. We want to make sure that these natural areas are protected for all of us to enjoy!

Check us out next week as we go “green.”

Sex 411: Into the Woods

Tilton, B. Sex in the Outdoors.

Waitzman, M. Sex in a Tent.

Jo and Ross want to hear from our readers. Send us your thoughts and questions to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Last week Doin’ It Well provided an update about available pregnancy termination services in our community. Writing that column got us thinking about reproductive rights, what they are, and why they are important. So this week we decided to explore the concept further.

What are Reproductive Rights?

 Reproductive rights are a subset of human rights (as established in 1968 at the united Nations’ International Conference on Human Rights) relating to reproduction including sexual and reproductive health.  These include the rights of all people, individuals and couples, women, men and every gender in between, from the very young to the very old, gay, straight, lesbian or bi, to education and the highest standards of healthcare available through medical science addressing reproduction and sexual health. These rights allow women to determine the number, timing and spacing of children and to make these decisions fully informed and free from discrimination, coercion and violence. Reproductive rights means providing for citizens’ reproductive needs, allowing them the freedom to make decisions about their bodies and lives, and to access available services based on their own values, circumstances and reproductive needs.

Reproductive Rhetoric?

Although these rights get discussed  a lot, especially within political arenas, there are very good reasons why they are so important. First, it’s important for all of us to enjoy healthy, satisfying, and pleasurable sex lives. They are also important for women - who bear the largest burden when these rights are absent - because reproductive issues (such as the ability to control and time pregnancies) affect opportunities for education, community engagement, employment and therefore, economic and social mobility.  In this way, we need reproductive rights if we want gender equity.

Research shows that increased education of girls and women leads to stronger and more stable families and better health for mothers and their children.  These decrease the economic toll on communities and allows women economic freedom and full participation within society.

Despite this, the message that lingers is that - despite technology and the proven effectiveness of accurate sexuality education for avoiding unwanted pregnancy and disease - women should simply keep their legs closed and be afraid of their sexuality. Rather than accepting and celebrating (female) sexuality, women are expected to sacrifice sexual development, experimentation and enjoyment if they want to pursue education, employment advances and a chance at upward social and economic mobility.

Is That Justice?

Advocates for reproductive justice contend that these rights, even if available, are not truly the rights of all people if access to them is unequal.  Reproductive justice, a concept originating within communities of color, highlights the necessary importance of paying attention to the very real gap between accessibility (i.e., the ability to seek, receive, and afford) and reproductive health services.  For many communities, the education or technology may be denied to them because of their age, location, or income. For instance, parental notification laws – which have recently been passed in Illinois for the first time in 35 years - limit minors’ access to abortion in ways that no other medical treatment is denied to them.

Reproductive justice therefore, means that we make resources equally available to all and reduce the barriers (i.e. poverty, racism, heterosexism, abilism) to make reproductive rights a reality for everyone. Reproductive justice is more than just the availability of abortion; it’s also about access to accurate sex education, availability of condoms and other birth control, and the whole range of information and technology to help us live sexual lives that we get to determine.  For example, a wealthy woman with access to her own health insurance and money has better access to birth control  than a woman in an abusive relationship, without health insurance or $40 of monthly disposable income. So stating that birth control is available to women as a reproductive right, is not entirely true.

Infringements of Rights

There are many examples of how reproductive rights get infringed upon, especially for women. Minor examples include pharmacies locking condoms in cabinets (as we’ve learned CVS does in certain ‘high crime’ communities), or the story we heard about a teenager in Belleville, IL who was told by a store clerk at checkout (condoms in hand) that he could not buy condoms because he should not be having sex! Or we can look at how the FDA stalled for years in providing emergency contraception over the counter, despite the recommendation from its own scientists that the medication was safe.. It’s easy to say that this infringement doesn’t impact us, if we don’t live in those areas or that we don’t need those services; however, when any of us are denied health information and services, it hurts our entire community.

If we are interested in  reproductive justice, we must understand how the issue of reproductive rights affects all of our freedoms and sexual health  - and fight to make reproductive rights everyone’s rights.

Stay tuned next week as we pitch a tent and see what sex looks at a campsite.

Sex 411 Report a Reproductive Rights Violation

www.reproductiverights.org is interested in hearing stories from around the globe of instances when these rights were infringed upon. They are also responsible for several important legal actions that help keep us all Doin’ It Well.

You have the right to send us comments or questions! Email Jo & Ross at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com.

Some of you may have already heard that Planned Parenthood’s Champaign Health Center is no longer offering surgical abortions. This is true, and Doin’ It Well wanted to set the record straight, as we have also heard some rumors about what is currently available in our community and what prompted these changes.

What’s the Story?

We caught up with Planned Parenthood of IL to get the facts. Here’s what we received.

“On March 5, 2009, Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan, issued an opinion confirming that Illinois law permits Physicians Assistants (P.A.) and Advance Practice Nurses (A.P.N.) supervised by a licensed physician to dispense and prescribe medication used to induce  abortion (also known as the abortion pill or Med AB) in early pregnancy to patients. 

This decision will dramatically increase access to reproductive health care for women in Illinois, and PPIL is exploring opportunities to utilize this opinion to expand access to abortion services. 

After thoughtful consideration, we are making several changes to our abortion services as a result of the Attorney General’s ruling and financial considerations of the agency.

In Champaign, we will be discontinuing surgical abortion but will be offering Med AB to our clients.  For those needing or requesting a surgical abortion, we will refer them to our Aurora Health Center. Aurora will continue to offer both medication and surgical abortions.

Over the next several years, our goal is to expand Med AB to 1-2 health centers a year in order to meet the reproductive health care needs of women throughout the entire state. “

What’s the difference?

Medical abortions can be performed as soon as a pregnancy can be confirmed and the medications work the best the earlier they are taken. Due to this, medical abortions are not usually an option after nine weeks of pregnancy.

Surgical abortions, on the other hand, can be performed between 4-24 weeks of pregnancy, depending on the provider and the services offered. Surgical abortion ends a pregnancy by using instruments to empty the uterus.

What’s This Mean for our Community?

Many of us get nervous when services get cut. Especially when it comes to reproductive health choices, particularly during a time of budget crisis, we wonder which populations will be hit the hardest by these decisions. In a statement from Beth Kanter, Senior Vice President of External Affairs for Planned Parenthood, we learned that despite the change in services, the number of abortions provided has remained consistent. She told us:

“We continue to offer medication abortions (up to 9 weeks) at [our Champaign Health Center]….  Surgical abortions are still available at our health centers in Aurora and in the city of Chicago at 1200 N LaSalle.  In addition to medication abortions, our Champaign Health Center offers comprehensive reproductive health care services for women, men and teens, including birth control and emergency contraception, routine gynecological exams, sexually transmitted infection testing and treatment, HIV testing and counseling, HPV vaccine, pregnancy testing and breast and cervical cancer screening.  The health center is open six days a week, Monday through Saturday.  Appointments can be requested online at ppil.org or by [phone] (See below).”

The overall goal for Planned Parenthood is to more efficiently and cost effectively provide needed pregnancy termination services in more communities across the state. So while this may feel like a cut to our area, hopefully this decision will allow for medical abortion services to be offered in communities that currently do not have any local options for abortion, or at least not from Planned Parenthood.

In Champaign-Urbana, surgical abortions are still available at Women’s Health Practice.     

Correction!

In your article [Do the Right Thing 7.2.09]) you state “one in five Americans has HSV“. It would be more accurate to say one in five Americans has genital herpes. About 50-80% of the adult population of the US has oral herpes [also HSV].  Type 1 or type 2 can occur in either area. I endorse your use of the ashastd.org web site, from which my information comes.  Thanks. P. Murdoch, A.P.N.

Thanks for reading Doin’ It Well, catching this, and helping us clarify for our readers. It takes a village to keep us all Doin’ It Well!

Stay tuned next week as we  explore  reproductive rights and justice for all.

Sex 411: Pregnancy Termination Resources

• Women’s Health Practice (Neil St., Champaign, 356-3736) offers comprehensive gynecological and obstetrical services, including both medical & surgical abortions
• Planned Parenthood of Illinois, Champaign Health Center (302 E. Stoughton, Champaign, 359-8022) offers a range of reproductive health services, including medical abortions

Jo and Ross want to answer your questions! E-mail them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com