Curse or Blessing: Sex & Menstruation
So its that time of the month? Your "friend's" in town? The curse? You're on the rag? Niagara falls? We have all heard the jokes and comments about menstruation: the assertion that menstruation is an unnatural, undesired or unclean process.These messages can make women uncomfortable with their bodies and their menstrual cycle. In addition, women and their sexual partners often have a lot of questions about sex during menstruation. Doin' It Well wanted to take a closer look at when Aunt Flo comes to visit the bedroom.
What is menstruation?
The menstrual cycle is a natural, healthy process. In fact, this cycle is a pretty incredible story of growth and renewal. During the menstrual cycle - which lasts for about 28 days - hormonal changes encourage growth of the endometrial lining (the inside of the uterus) and a change in cervical fluid. In the middle of this cycle, an egg is released from the ovaries. During this time (ovulation), a woman is most fertile to become pregnant. After ovulation, if pregnancy does not occur, the endometrial lining will be expelled, known as a "period." Menstrual blood, therefore, is nothing but the disintegrated egg and lining of the uterus. The woman's body then begins the whole process again.
During the menstrual cycle, changes in hormones can produce changes in a woman's libido. Some women don't feel like having sex, during their period. Some women, however, report increased arousal and desire for sex. This may also be because menstruation increases blood in the pelvic region, which might be experienced as stimulation.
Sex on the Rag
Sex during menstruation is completely normal and can be safe. However, with all the messages we receive about menstruation being "unclean," it isn't surprising that women and their partners may have some anxiety about having solo or partner sex during their period. When Ross mentioned to a friend that he was writing about this topic, she said, "Ew, why would you talk about that?" But then added, "Not that I haven't done it." There is often a cultural context to these fears about menstruation; some religions and cultures (including the US-based culture!) may have formal or informal regulations about being sexually intimate with a woman during menstruation. At the same time, there are also many cultures that celebrate menstruation and have celebratory rights and rituals welcoming girls into womanhood.
Although we frequently see the negatives about sex during menstruation (for instance, the potential for a mess during penetrative sex), there can also be some positives. Many women experience cramps during menstruation, and orgasm may help relieve some of that pain. In addition, both orgasm(s) and semen (if having unprotected sex with a male partner) can both produce the hormone prostaglandin, which may increase contractions that may speed up expulsion of menstrual blood. So some women report that having sex during menstruation actually shortens the length of her period. Also, menstrual fluid adds to a woman's natural lubrication and can enhance sex.
Safe Sex, Period.
Menstrual blood, can carry bacteria or viruses, like STDs, including HIV, which may increase the risk of transmission. For women with herpes, menstruation may cause a flare-up in symptoms, which can produce sores. Also, even though the risk of pregnancy is minimal, it isn't impossible. So during menstruation, even though pregnancy is less likely, partners should still use birth control, condoms and latex dams to keep it safe.
Keep It Clean
So how can we keep it a good, clean game? First off, sex doesn't have to include vaginal penetration, so a woman (and/or her partner) could focus instead on other sexual behaviors. For example, a woman could insert a tampon, to decrease blood leaving her body, yet still enjoy clitoral or other external stimulation. Second, a towel or other cloth you don't care about staining could be used while having sex. This will make it much easier to clean the bed, couch, floor, table, or wherever. Some women may prefer to bathe beforehand. But you could also move your play into the bathtub or shower and wash away those worries.
Sex during menstruation should be the decision of the woman and her partner. Sometimes both partners like that during a women's period, there is less "pressure" to have sex. And besides all of the taboo about the "curse," some women may not want to deal with the potential mess or may just not be into sex during menstruation. The message that she is unclean, combined with cramps, may not help her feel very sexy. Also, partners may be uncomfortable about seeing blood, and probably have also heard that it is wrong. Remember, communicate with each other and respect boundaries. Having good information, knowing what we're comfortable with and talking with our partners about how we feel about sex during menstruation can help to challenge taboos, allowing us to decide for ourselves the kind of sex we do or don't want.
Sex 411: For More About Menstruation
McBride, K. 105 Ways to Celebrate Menstruation
Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and sexual violence prevention. Tell them what's up at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
