Friends Don’t Let Friends: Love, Sex & The Drunk Text
Hi Jo & Ross, here’s an idea for your column: Drunk Texting! –DM
Great idea, DM! Thanks for writing in. Drunk dialing, which started as a play on drunk driving, refers to calling someone while intoxicated and either talking to them or leaving them a message. Newer technology has brought us drunk texting and drunk posting (on Facebook, Twitter, etc.). Most of us have probably received or sent one at some point; this summer Jo even received random drunk texts from a person she didn’t know who had the wrong number!
Your Call Is Important To Us
As we all know, alcohol lowers inhibitions. When we’ve been drinking, we may feel more comfortable doing things we might not do sober, like talking to that hot guy or asking a woman for her number. At the more extreme, alcohol can impair our judgment in very negative ways, like not paying attention as we cross the street or mouthing off to a cop.
It may be the part of intoxication that strips away our psychological defenses that impacts the drunk messaging. Emotions and feelings that we may normally keep in check (or are unaware of) seep out, like loneliness, frustration, anger, sexual desire or sadness. When we feel these things and our judgment is altered, it might allows us to tell or text someone what we really feel, without our inner voice saying “That’s probably not a good idea” or “Think about the consequences of this.” Often, what we experience is “I don’t give an F—” - at least not until the next day.
People drunk dial, text or message for a variety of reasons. For the sake of this column, we want to focus on those that are sent to a former or future love interest and examine why this happens. In these scenarios, a person might text an ex or a current crush, or text for the sake of hooking up.
(Don’t) Blame it on the Alcohol…
We have all heard the common expressions: “Oh my God, I was so drunk I…” Or “I totally would not have done that if I wasn’t drunk.” Sometimes, alcohol serves as the perfect excuse. But even when we’re drunk, we are still the same person as we are sober and the parts of us that come out when we’re drunk are still there when we sober up.
Alcohol’s effects might be the reason we decided to press “send,” but it’s not the reason why we wanted to send the message in the first place. Exploring those motivations might be helpful. Often, people feel remorse after sending a drunk message. Instead of feeling bad about it, what if we could look at drunk texting as simply a signal of our feelings? Whether we are feeling sad, angry, lonely, horny or frustrated, if we can look at these feelings as being OK and understandable, we might be more empowered to address them in ways that feel good to us (and maybe to others around us). Part of this might involve examining which feelings are difficult to talk about and how being under the influence might give us courage to express ourselves, but usually in ways we unfortunately, often regret.
Beyond A Drunken Haze
How can we identify these emotions? If we can forgive ourselves any remorse we might have, we can look at these old text messages like an anthropologist examining artifacts. What do these messages tell you about your feelings – your own personal feelings, your feelings about another person, or even the hopes of your text? With a spirit of curiosity and openness, we might come to understand the many reasons we’re drunk messaging.
Being able to identify your motivations may not feel good, but it empowers you to recognize the meaning behind your actions and perhaps normalize your feelings. For example, realizing that you want to text someone because you miss them and are sad you broke up makes a lot of sense. We can recognize that our feelings are valid, while also deciding to wait until morning to confront them fully. Sometimes it’s best to head to bed, knowing that the phone will be there when our head is clearer, in the event we still want to press “send.”
Check us out next week as we queer gender.
Sex 411: There’s an App for that
Apparently, drunk texting is such a phenomenon that iphone has a “don’t dial” application that allows users to enter certain numbers before going out that will be blocked to the user for a period of time. The numbers can later be unlocked for later use. Tip: Have a friend enter a password that is unknown to you!
Send Jo & Ross a topic for their column at: buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
