Doin’ It Well

The G(uy)-Spot: Loving Your Prostate

When we think of the prostate, we may think about prostate health or even prostate cancer. However, the prostate plays a major role in sexual arousal, ejaculation, and orgasm. In fact, the male prostate gland is analogous to the Skene’s glands that make up the female G-spot, and men who have orgasms with prostate stimulation describe intense sensations similar to women with G-spot stimulation. So Doin’ It Well felt that it was about time to explore and learn more about the mysterious P-spot.

Prostate Facts

The prostate is a walnut-sized gland surrounding the urethra just underneath the bladder and in front of the rectum. During ejaculation, the male prostate secretes an alkaline fluid along with the sperm and seminal fluid, neutralizing the vagina’s acidity, increasing sperm motility and life span. During sex, the prostate gland stores up this fluid and its smooth muscles help to eject it during ejaculation. (Note: prostate fluid is not the same a pre-cum, which is produced in the Cowper’s glands, small glands at the base of the penis.)

The prostate is also even more directly connected to sexual function. Bundles of nerves on either side of the prostate control the relaxation of  muscles, allowing blood to fill up the penis and create an erection. When the prostate is manually stimulated, the receiver may get an erection (even during non-sexual contact, such as a prostate exam) and experience sexual arousal.

Tickling Your P-Spot

Because the prostate is an internal gland, the most direct way to stimulate it is through the rectal wall. The prostate may also be indirectly stimulated by applying pressure on the perineum, the area between the base of the penis and the anus. Fingers or receptive anal sex are common ways to stimulate the prostate, but there are also a number of toys and vibrators designed especially for prostate pleasure.

As with any anal play, you may want to use the bathroom beforehand to empty the rectum. Also, you may want to take a bath or shower (alone or with your partner) to clean the outside of the anus and just inside the rectum. Use a soapy finger or washcloth. If you plan to use your hands, make sure your fingernails are smooth, so as not to scratch the rectum. Or for safer play, wear a latex glove. Using plenty of lube, insert your finger slowly into the anus. By pressing on the front of the rectum (towards the penis), you will feel a small bump through the rectal wall. With your finger, you can make a “come here” motion and stroke the prostate gently. This may give the receiver a feeling of fullness in the rectum similar to having to use the bathroom. By experimenting with different pressure and strokes (back and forth, circular, etc.) on the prostate, the receiver will be able to note different sensations and find out what’s most pleasurable for them. During receptive anal sex, the penetrating partner can also talk with the receiver about angles and positions that give him the best prostate stimulation.

In addition to using prostate stimulation to achieve orgasm, some men practice “prostate milking,” a practice of stroking the prostate to release seminal fluid. Some people believe this has health benefits to the prostate, whereas others practice it as part of orgasm denial and BDSM power play. After the seminal fluids are released (a.k.a., milked), it may take a while for the individual to achieve orgasm again, even though no orgasm has occurred.

Boy Toy

When finding a toy for prostate stimulation, be sure to do your research. All anal toys should have a flared base to keep them from being sucked into the rectum. Additionally, the toy should have a slight curve to place pressure on the prostate. One highly recommended toy is the Aneros Prostate Massager, but there are many plugs, dildos, and vibrators designed especially for tickling your P-spot. Find which one is right for you.

Take Care of Your P-Spot

For many reasons, many men are reluctant to think about – let alone talk to their doctor about! – their prostate. But one in six men will have prostate cancer during their lifetime. If you are over 50, it is important to have a manual prostate exam yearly. During a prostate exam, the doctor will insert a finger into the rectum to manually feel the back of the prostate for enlargement or lumps. If you notice any of the following symptoms, it is also important to talk to your medical provider:

• Frequent need to urinate
• Difficulty stopping or starting urine stream
• Painful or burning urination
• Difficulty achieving an erection
• Blood in urine or semen
• Painful ejaculation

If you have one or more of these symptoms, it does not necessarily mean that you have prostate disease, but it is important to have it checked out. Remember, a healthy prostate means a healthy sex life!

Check us out next week as we talk reproductive justice.

Sex 411: More on the Male G-spot

• Prostate Cancer prostatecancerfoundation.org
• Morin, Jack. Anal Pleasure & Health.

Send Jo and Ross your questions to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Hello Jo and Ross–

I have a dilemma.  I have recently discovered that I contracted an STD - specifically Genital Herpes - possibly years ago!  I am currently getting to know someone, and we are dating long distance, with plans for me to meet him.  HOW DO I TELL HIM?!?!?!  When I told  partners before, of course our sexual relationship changed, and no matter how ‘responsible’ I felt, I still felt gross.   Soooo…I have the possibility of a relationship, but don’t want to ruin it, and know I cannot lie or omit this information.  

Sometimes I feel as if–I should never even pursue sexual relationships anymore, because I know I will ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION, and it is perhaps less wrenching to just go it alone…I just don’t want to.  So, any ideas?

Signed,

How Do I Do the Right Thing?

Dear Do the Right Thing:

Thanks for the great question! We’re glad you wrote in, especially since you, like everyone else, deserve a satisfying, fulfilling, and wonderful sex life! We can imagine how difficult it is to continue to have this conversation with partners and negotiate sexual behaviors you both are comfortable with. But actually, everyone who is sexually active is wise to talk with partners about past STD risk and infection and develop the trust necessary to have these very real and honest conversations. It may not be fun or comfortable, but when we consider that more than half of all people will have an STD in their lifetime, it applies to most people having sex!

Sharing

Remember that the fact that you know you have HSV (herpes simplex virus) and are taking active steps to reduce transmission to your partner(s) significantly reduces the likelihood that they will become infected. One in five Americans has HSV, but most do not know it; therefore, it may be more beneficial to know the status of a current partner and actively, together, reduce the risk of transmission, than to not talk about STDs with partners, assuming they are not infected. In this way, your partner may be lowering their risk of STDs more than they might have within a relationship where STDs were never discussed, even though you’re infected. The more we know, the better able we are to protect our health.

Also, you might also discuss his STD status, including him getting tested. He might already be infected with HSV (either type 1 or type 2) and not know it (like many people). That may change the discussion for both of you.

Take it Slow

If you are developing a relationship with this person, it may be helpful to allow other aspects of it to develop at the same pace as the physical or sexual part. Meaning, the more the two of you get to know each other, develop caring, love, compassion and trust, the easier it may be to bring up things that feel more vulnerable. You do not have to be sexual with him right away, at least not in ways that might risk transmission. If you’re interested in developing the relationship, the sexual aspect of that is only part of the equation.

Deciding when to disclose STD infection is a personal choice, however. Some folks believe that they need to tell a partner up front, in case their partner no longer wants to pursue the relationship. While we understand this perspective, it’s based on a premise that those infected with STDs are not worthy or deserving of a loving, sexual relationship, and we couldn’t disagree more! STD infection is only a part of who you are as a person; there is much more to who you are and what you bring to a relationship.

A World of Possibilities

The upside to discussing STD infection is the opportunity for you and your partner to discuss the many ways you can be sexual with one another, while also keeping the risk of transmission low. This might include brainstorming behaviors you haven’t experienced or thought of before, and can expand your definitions of “sex” and sexual intimacy. This process can add a new and different dimension of sexual excitement. Consider mutual masturbation, the use of sex toys, hand jobs, and oral sex. He can protect himself quite easily while performing oral sex by using a condom (if you’re male) or a latex barrier (if you’re male or female)!

Often, penetration is the desired goal between partners. However, waiting longer before experiencing this (risk can be significantly reduced with condom use) can allow you to both experience all the other wonderful sexual behaviors you might normally rush past and intensify the passion and sexual tension between the two of you.

It may also be helpful to discuss this with him before you see him - over the phone or through IM - allowing him time to react before the two of you are together. The time in between to process and talk about this information might let you spend as much time as you want in person getting hot and heavy with each other. Hopefully he’ll appreciate your integrity and caring as much as we do! Good luck!

Check us out next week as we search for the G(uy)-Spot.

Sex 411: Herpes Resources

American Social Health Association Herpes Resource Center: http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_overview.cfm

Ebel, C. & Wald, A. Managing Herpes: Living and Loving with HSV

Jo and Ross want to answer your questions! Send them to buzzdoinitwell (at) yahoo (dot) com.