Doin’ It Well

There are over 25 sexually transmitted diseases, but most of us can only name those that are the most well known. Even then, identifying specific information can be a challenge. In a presentation Jo gave recently, she asked the group to brainstorm everything they knew about various STDs, including Trichomonaisis. The group responded with “trich-a-what?” stating they knew little about it. It reminded her that at other talks, people have stated that they have never heard of this common
STD. So this week, Doin’ It Well decided to increase familiarity with less commonly known STDs.

Are We Negative?

It’s always a tough balance in the world of sex education between providing needed information to help people make good decisions and avoiding scare tactics or focusing strictly on the negative consequences of sexual activity, the latter two of which are shown through scientific research to neither delay sex nor increase safety strategies.  A few weeks ago, Jo was asked to review an STD education document, and noticed that one of the first things to be mentioned for each STD was a statement like “may to lead to severe complications” (or some variation thereof), instead of - where applicable - “curable” or “preventable”!

While information about the real consequences of STDs - especially when left untreated - are necessary, it’s also a much less empowering stance to focus on the awful, scary, really bad things that might happen to a person when they become sexually active, if they get an STD, and if it goes undetected and untreated. It’s with this in mind that we present the following information. The good news is that all but one of the following STDs are either curable or preventable with vaccines!

Trichomonaisis (alias: trichomonas, trich)

Trich is a parasite, and the most common curable STD among young women. Trichomoniasis is interesting to observe under a microscope because of its flagella. Men often have no symptoms, or experience symptoms that go away, but the infection can still be passed to partners.

Scabies

Scabies is also a parasite and therefore completely curable. Dissimilar to pubic lice, scabies is a mite that burrows under the skin, creating wavy silver or brown lines. It’s transmitted from one person to the next through close, intimate, although not necessarily sexual, prolonged contact.  For example, risk for scabies increases when you spend the night with someone (versus when you “hook up” ). It can also be transmitted among those in the same bed or household.

Chancroid

Bacterial infection that is completely curable and most often developing and third world countries and those diagnosed in the US have often contracted it while travelling. Chancroid infection causes a chancre or ulcerative lesion(s) to appear usually on or around the genitals. Unlike a syphilis chancre, those found with Chancroid infection are painful.

Molluscum Contagium

Small lesions or bumps caused by the Molloscum Contagiousum Virus (MCV). MCV is transmitted by skin to skin contact, and for adults, sexual transmission is the most common. Sometimes the bumps will self-resolve or are removed by a healthcare provider. Once the bumps are gone, transmission decreases, although may not be eliminated. Scratching the bumps or lesions can spread it to other parts of the body.

NGU

Non-gonococcal urethritis is an infection of the urethra caused by something other than gonorrhea, including other STDs (Chlamydia for example) and more often found in men than women, probably due to anatomical differences.

PID, Vaginitis, Cervitits, Urethitis, & Prostitis

Are sometimes categorized as STDs, but rather than being transmitted themselves are infections of certain parts of the body (reproductive organs). Infections of the cervix, vagina, urethra and prostate causing inflammation, irritation or other medical problems are often, but not always, caused by STD infections. A man cannot “get” vaginitis transmitted to him, or be diagnosed with it unless he has a vagina. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) which occurs in women and is the most common cause of infertility in women is often caused by  STDs, such as Chlamydia and gonorrhea.

Hep A, B

Hepatitis is inflammation of the liver caused by a number of different viruses (Hep A, B, C, D, or E). Hep A and B are the most common types transmitted sexually; type A can be transmitted through feces (oral-anal stimulation) and type B through bodily fluids like semen and blood. The good news is two-fold: most people under 30 have been vaccinated against Hep B (if not, you can be) and a vaccination also exists to prevent Hep A!  If you engage in oral-anal stimulation often, you may want to consider a Hep A vaccination.

In 2007, IL ranked in the top 10 of states with the highest Chlamydia & gonorrhea rates. By using condoms every time, with every partner, you can significantly reduce your risk for all STDs. If you’re sexually active, get tested - even if you don’t have symptoms. By visiting your medical provider, you can get the care you deserve to help you keep doin’ it well.

Check us out next week as we talk about sex on the road.

Sex 411: STD Hotline (919) 361-8488

Sponsored by the American Social Health Association

Eastern Standard Time M-F 9am-8pm

www.ashastd.org

Have a burning question? Send it to Jo and Ross at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

There has been big news over the past few weeks about the issue of same-sex marriage. Iowa’s Supreme Court recently ruled it unconstitutional to discriminate against same-sex marriages by not providing  them legal status. With “Proposition 8,” California’s voters unfortunately overturned a California Supreme Court ruling that said the same. And most recently, New Hampshire passed a bill making them the sixth state to allow same-sex marriages. What, you may ask, does this have to do with doing “it” well? Marriage and sexuality have always had a complicated relationship

Wedding Bells

Marriage means a lot of things. It’s a public recognition of a kinship between an individual and their spouse. It’s a cultural institution, bound up in ideas of love and commitment. It’s also a civil recognition that provides many reciprocal obligations, rights, and protections; in 2004, the General Accounting Office reported that there were some 1,138 legal benefits that legally (read: heterosexual) married individuals receive. For example, marriage allows two individuals to file their taxes jointly.

Marriage or committed partnerships are not a necessity for positive, healthy sexuality. However, forming and maintaining relationships (romantic and non-romantic) is a major part of healthy adult development. The Sexuality Information and Education Council  of the United States (SIECUS) states that a sexually healthy adult will “express love and intimacy in appropriate ways, develop and maintain meaningful relationships, avoid exploitative or manipulative relationships, make informed choices about family options and lifestyles, and develop skills that enhance personal relationships.” Marriage is not the prescription for being a sexually healthy adult, but how does the legal and social barriers that same-sex couples face impact sexual health?

1 Man + 1 Woman = 4 Ever?

One of the current arguments about same-sex marriages is that God or another authority figure made marriage for one man and one woman and this equals happiness for the wedded couple. These ideas - like the classic “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” - suggest that a relationship between individuals of the same gender is somehow less valuable or valid than heterosexual relationships. Religion isn’t the only arena where we see this happen; in fact, LGBT individuals face this discrimination in the workplace, school, social organizations, and even from their families. This doesn’t mean that someone who is LGBT is doomed to a loveless life, though it does place a host of barriers that most straight individuals never have to face when they are developing their romantic relationships.

When marriage laws state that only one man and one woman can be married – or that same-sex civil unions or marriages from one state won’t be recognized by the federal government or other states – what LGBT individuals miss out on is the approval and recognition of their own community, city, state, and country for their relationship. This is why the few municipalities and states that have passed same-sex marriage laws have been met with such celebration by some LGBT folks; their “kinships” are finally recognized. Same-sex marriage laws aren’t out to undermine whatever religious beliefs someone may hold; they are there to provide equal protection and recognition for a man and a man or a woman and a woman as a man and a woman.

Keeping up with the Straights

Same-sex marriage has become a big focus of some of the major LGBT-rights organizations (like Human Rights Campaign) across the United States. Understandably, there is some criticism that marriage is not the end-all issue affecting LGBT folks in the US. Workplace protections, adoption, domestic partner benefits, violence, and police harassment are just a few of the many other arenas where LGBT folks face discrimination. Some argue that fighting for the right to get married is a way to mainstream people who are LGBT , to make them “straighter,” and it takes away from the real issues.

We don’t disagree that there are a host of inequalities that LGBT people face interpersonally and institutionally. And marriage is one of these inequalities that intersect many of the others. Federal recognition of a marriage means Social Security benefits, the ability to visit an ailing spouse in the hospital, and a host of other things that straight folks take for granted. Institutionally, there may be 1,138 instances of discrimination that same-sex couples may face, but personally, these increase the work that is already necessary for a healthy romantic relationship.

Is marriage necessary? Absolutely not. Partnering – heterosexual or same-sex – is not a necessary component of being a “healthy” individual. In addition, wedding ceremonies can happen outside of a legal context, and this is the way many same-sex (and some straight) couples have celebrated their love and publicly recognized their new family. Perhaps ultimately, it is the love and commitment in front of the couple’s community that is the most important component. But as citizens of our country, we all deserve the opportunity to have our relationships recognized institutionally

Stay tuned until next week, and keep Doin’ It Well.

Sex 411: More Information on Same-Sex Marriage

• ACLU Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Project www.aclu.org/lgbt
• Human Rights Campaign www.hrc.org
• Lambda Legal www.lambdalegal.org                                              

Send Jo and Ross your questions to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Fellatio (from the Latin word “suck”) may be something you are curious about, so this week Doin’ It
Well decided to offer some advice, since increased knowledge not only decreases anxiety, but helps us make good decisions about sexual behaviors.

BJ Basics

There is no one right way to perform oral sex on a man, but some general guidelines may be helpful to those who may be trying it for the first time. To start, simply hold the penis and put it in your mouth. Saliva acts as a lubricant, so summon up some spit beforehand. It’s also a good idea to cover your teeth with your lips, so you don’t hurt your partner. From there, simply use your mouth and tongue with an in-and-out motion to stimulate your partner’s penis.

If you wrap one hand around the base of the penis, you can both add manual stimulation and control how far the penis goes into your mouth, preventing gagging. Despite what much of mainstream porn shows us, you don’t have to gag or be uncomfortable during oral sex, and your partner shouldn’t want you to. In addition, oral sex doesn’t have to be the crude sex act it often gets portrayed as and, in fact, can be very loving. 

If you choose to perform oral sex on a man, do so in a way that feels good and sexy to you, not simply for his pleasure.  Focusing on your pleasure will help you decide if it’s something you truly like and allow you to relax and enjoy the experience. Your partner can stimulate you while you perform oral sex, or you can stimulate yourself with your hands or a vibrator.  Ask your partner what he likes, but be sure to pay attention to what you enjoy about giving oral sex, too.

Hard to Swallow

Questions about semen and whether or not to swallow it are common. On average, a man ejaculates about a teaspoon of semen, though the amount of ejaculate varies with things like age and the length of time since his last ejaculation. Assuming it’s free of STDs, semen won’t hurt you. It has fewer germs than saliva and is not a significant source of either calories or nutrition. You cannot get pregnant from swallowing semen. Ejaculate has a salty, chlorine flavor (though it may taste differently from guy to guy or from day to day for the same guy), which some people enjoy, don’t mind, or simply do not like!

Deciding to swallow is a personal decision; only do  so if you want to, not because you think that’s the best way to give a blow job.  Most men enjoy receiving oral sex, regardless of what happens during orgasm. Ask him beforehand to let you know when he’s going to ejaculate, so you can decide what you’d like to do. If you do not want semen in your mouth, simply remove the penis and continue stroking it manually until he ejaculates.

Some men do not ejaculate during oral sex due to the kind of stimulation. Don’t take it personally; move on to other behaviors that bring you both pleasure.

Being Receptive

If you want to put your hand on your partner’s head while receiving, ask if it’s ok. Because of the often violent images we see of oral sex, guiding your partner’s head or thrusting into their mouth can feel derogatory or bad, even if that’s not the intent. Be respectful; never force the penis in the mouth - let the giver decide how far and how fast. Feel free to moan when things feel good. It’s always polite to give a heads up before orgasm, allowing your partner to decide if they want to stop before the point of ejaculation.

Heads Up

In general, fellatio is a lower risk sexual activity compared to penetrative vaginal or anal sex. But, risk for STDs does exist.

For safer oral sex, learn to put a condom on with your mouth. You can practice this by putting a flavored or un-lubed (a lubed condom won’t hurt you, it just might taste bad),condom in your mouth.  Gently use your teeth and lips to determine which way it unrolls (sucking in gently will draw out the reservoir tip), and place the condom onto two fingers, unrolling it with your mouth/lips/tongue.

This handy skill will protect your mouth and throat from STDs and avoids the swallowing question altogether!  If you don’t use condoms during oral sex, another risk reduction technique is for the receiver to “pull out” or withdraw before ejaculation, which decreases fluid exchange.

Consider all the information and then decide for yourself and your relationship what behaviors you are comfortable engaging in.  

Check us out next week when we explore why marriage is so gay.

Sex 411: For More on Technique

Blue, V. The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio

Joannides, P. The Guide to Getting It On (A whole chapter on the ups & downs of fellatio)

http://sexuality.about.com/od/oralsex/ht/fellatio.htm

Send Jo and Ross your questions and comments to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com