Being Anal
Jo: Hi! I’m very excited to write Doin’ It Well with Ross. Here’s a little about me. I’ve been working in the field of sexuality for the past 12 years with a focus on how positive, honest and fact based sex education influences sexual health. I appreciate the efforts of Doin’ It Well to create a space where people can critically examine the often complex topics of sexuality, to help them make good decisions to ultimately - dare I write - enjoy and celebrate their sexuality!
Dear Doin’ It Well I am having trouble keeping my rectum clean which has led to a sexual relation problem between me and my partner. I have light laxative to maintain regularity. I have also done cleaning with fingering n’ light soap. I am just wondering if there is anymore that I can do?
Thank you for writing in! You’re right; daily washing of the the anus and inserting a soapy finger are often enough for most people who enjoy anal play. You may also want to empty your bowels and take a shower before engaging in butt play. Planning is important; don’t start anal stimulation if you feel you have to use the toilet! Paying attention to when you experience bowel movements and recognizing when your rectum is “empty” may help with cleanliness. Here are some other things to consider:
Are you being too Lax?
Depending on your laxative use, you might want to check with a healthcare provider about possible side effects. There are different types of laxatives that all work in slightly different ways. For example, lubricant laxatives makes stool slippery, osmotic & hyperosmolar (Miralax, Milk of Magnesia) create softer stools that are easier to pass, while stimulants like Ex Lax or Correctal quicken the journey of stool through the colon and should not be used daily. Laxatives can cause cramping, diarrhea, leakage, interfere with the absorption of vitamins and minerals, and cause bowel movements to be unpredictable. They can also weaken the body’s natural ability to defecate, leading to laxative dependency. If you feel you need to consistently use laxatives to be regular, it might be helpful to see a healthcare provider or dietitian, who can suggest other ways to treat this problem.
How Clean?
Keep in mind that the rectum is a passageway for feces and - while relatively clean since feces are not stored there - you may want to keep in perspective how clean it can be. Jo is reminded of when her roommate first moved in and was doing the dishes. She was washing a well used casserole dish and asked “Like, how clean do you want this?” Jo responded with “Um…clean.” While both Jo and her roommate laughed, sometimes there are varying degrees of how clean things can get, and different people may have different expectations about that. Just like Jo’s roommate checking in with how “anal” Jo might be around cleanliness, you and your partner might want to talk about what is realistic for a clean rectum and whether or not you both are comfortable with that.
Enemas
Some people use enemas to clean their rectum before anal sex. Proper use of enemas is essential to protect your health, so if you are interested in enemas for this purpose, make sure you do your research beforehand. Factors like water temperature (too hot=ouch and too cold=cramping) and water pressure are really important. In addition, for basic cleaning a water-only enema is most often recommended. Many purchased enema kits contain chemicals which can have side effects. Enemas, especially with repeated use, can cause electrolyte imbalances and injuries, like internal bleeding. While these injuries are rare in healthy, sober adults, if you use enemas, do so wisely.
Not Being Anal
You and your partner may also want to consider that some anal play is not a turn on for you, due to some considerations when playing with that area of the body. Remember that there are other ways to stimulate and enjoy the anus that don’t include penetrative sex. You may find that you and your partner are more comfortable with fingering or rimming (oral stimulation to the anus) versus penetrating the rectum.
Safety
Being conscious of cleanliness with butt play is a good idea because you can come into contact with bacteria or parasites including hepatitis. (If you are a frequent rimmer, consider getting vaccinated against Hepatitis A.) Remember that the lining the rectum is sensitive and thin; treat it gently. Condom use is a must to prevent diseases from chlamydia to HIV. If you are orally stimulating the anus, use a latex barrier; a dental damn, unrolled & cut condom, or plastic wrap all work well.
Sex 411: Ass Awareness
• Morin, J. Anal Pleasure and Health
• Taormino, T. The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
Check us out next week when we’ll wax on about waxing.
Email Jo & Ross a question at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
I have a few questions about this. I’m a gay man and I love having anal sex, and as a bottom I have run into the issue of no matter what I try…sex usually ends up messy. It makes me very self conscious to get intimate with someone. To make matters worse I suffer from IBS C (Irritable Bowel with Constipation) So having a bowel movement before having sex usually is completely out of my control. I have tried enemas, soapy fingers, and even using a vibrator to “prep” before engaging in anal sex and nothing seems to work. I know there are other ways to enjoy being sexual besides anal sex and I enjoy them, but for me I get the most pleasure from anal sex. Is this something that I should learn to live with and be less self conscious about (after all shit happens….lol)? Or is there any hope at having a clean anal experience?
Thanks for the question. Not sure we can offer much more, but check out another column we wrote about anal sex (search “shitty bottom” on our blog). The book Anal Pleasure & Health by Jack Morin may offer more specific help. For the IBS, we recommend talking to a dietician, perhaps, to see if any of their recommendations might help overall. Good luck!