Thursday, April 24, 2008

HIV/AIDS in our own backyard: Their Journey Continues...

When we see or hear the words HIV or AIDS we may think about different things. Images may come to mind of orphaned children in Africa, of Bono and his work there. We may think of a red ribbon. Maybe we don't think about anything at all, because the words are so commonplace these days. If we're sexually active we might think about HIV infection and our own status. We may think about how we know we should get "the test" and our fear about that. Maybe we've been tested and know our status but wonder about our partner(s). Usually, we know how HIV is transmitted; we recognize the words and know what they mean. Sometimes we might think "that happens to someone else, somewhere else." Rarely do we envision Champaign-Urbana or have an image of how HIV and AIDS impact our community.


Addressing HIV/AIDS in Our Community

The Greater Community AIDS Project (GCAP), on the other hand, has a very clear image of how HIV/AIDS affects Champaign County. They have mourned the death of 14 clients to AIDS-related complications in little over a year, deaths that have occurred right here in our own backyard. This is an aspect of the AIDS epidemic that most people in our community don't see; even GCAP hasn't seen this death rate in more than ten years. It reminds us that the fight against AIDS is far from over; it is just as important in our own community as it is in other parts of the world.


GCAP is a local United Way agency that provides support services to those living with HIV/AIDS here in our community. According to GCAP's director Teri McCarthy, those who are infected are aging and facing the normal challenges that can bring, with the added consequences of already living with HIV. Now more than ever, our local AIDS organization needs our support.  The number of new infections in our country has remained steady at 40,000 a year for the past 10 years.  


Art vs. AIDS

Each year GCAP hosts a major fundraiser called Artists Against AIDS at which over 250 local artists sell their work. This year's Artists Against AIDS Exhibition is scheduled for April 25th-28th at the Orpheum Children's Museum in downtown Champaign. The event is free, the art is beautiful, and there is something there for every taste and budget. From jewelry to paintings to vases to much more, it's an experience just to see it all displayed at in the Orpheum's Theatre. Even if you're not in the market for art, stop by, give a donation if you choose, and view a unique collection of local artists' work.


Art Talk

Doin' It Well caught up with artist Randall Plankenhorn, one of the many artists who will have their work displayed at the show this year. Randall contributes to Artists Against AIDS because it's a way for him to help out a great cause and communicate with other artists. As he added, "It's pretty awesome that this community supports an event like this. It's always a lot of fun...there's something for everyone."


Quilting to Remember

In addition to Randall's pieces, this year another artist's work will be unveiled and has special significance. Area artist and quilter extraordinaire, Deborah Fell, was commissioned by GCAP to create a quilt to reflect the people we have lost to AIDS. Her piece is called "Their Journey Continues." Twelve stars represent the GCAP clients lost recently. Additional panels and stars will be created for people we may lose in the future.


Because many of GCAP's clients did not have the financial ability or family to pay for funeral or memorial services, GCAP hopes that people in the community will sponsor the making of quilt "stars." GCAP director Teri McCarthy said "To honor those who have lost the battle we wanted to create both an object (the quilt) and an opportunity (World AIDS Day memorial service) to celebrate their lives while raising awareness that this disease is still deeply affecting our community." GCAP plans to use these funds to pay for obituaries and an annual memorial service on World AIDS Day, so that those who have passed away from AIDS can be laid to rest with recognition, love and dignity.


Check It Out!

Deborah Fell's AIDS Memorial Quilt will be unveiled at the Private Jazzy Opening of the 16th Annual Artists Against AIDS exhibition tonight, April 24 at the Orpheum Children's Science Museum (a sold-out event!) The quilt will continue to be on display throughout the remainder of the exhibition. Come to the Orpheum Children's Museum, 346 North Neil Street in downtown Campaign this weekend, Friday 6-10pm, Saturday 1-10pm, and Sunday and Monday both from 1-7pm.


Lastly, Doin' It Well promised we'd give a shout-out to a very faithful fan. Hey DM, thanks for reading and for your continued support!


Stay tuned to next week as we discuss sex and your Aunt Flo.


Sex 411: Artists Against AIDS, April 25-28 at the Orpheum

Artists Against AIDS exhibition schedule http://www.gcapnow.com/

To see the incredible work of Deborah Fell http://www.deborahfell.com/


Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of human sexuality and sexual violence prevention. Email them your thoughts at buzzdoinitwell (at) yahoo (dot) com

Posted by Kim Rice & Ross Wantland at 06:49:52 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Yes Means Yes: “Grey Rape” and the Fear of Women’s Sexuality

In the September 2007 issue of Cosmopolitan, an article claimed that a “new kind of date rape” had been uncovered: grey rape. So-called “grey rape” referred to an ambiguous sexual experience for both partners, that could technically be called rape, but for which women who were raped shared some of the responsibility. In the survivors’ accounts, many of them knew the perpetrator, had been drinking, and had shared some initial sexual intimacy with the perpetrator. Also, each of them said, “No” (which was ignored by their partner).
For Doin’ It Well, this doesn’t seem very “grey.” Yet the article goes on to claim that it is women’s sexual independence which is leaving men and women unclear of sexual boundaries.
If only “grey rape” had remained in the pages of Cosmo! Recently, we have heard high school and college students use this term, usually to minimize the severity of the assault or the responsibility of the perpetrator. Doin’ It Well wanted to take a look at this term, and what messages it might be saying about our sexuality.
What’s In a Name?
“Grey rape” has a familiar ring to it. In the early 90’s, the media coined the term “date rape” to refer to sexual violence committed by a dating partner. When some men began incapacitating women with drugs, the media called these “date rape drugs.”  Let’s ignore for the moment that no other crime committed by a dating partner gets labeled in this way. (Imagine: “date larceny”) Qualifying rape as “date” or “grey” means that the act is somehow less serious, not as violent as a “real” rape. We set it apart from the sexual violence that seems most newsworthy, yet is less common: a strange man attacks a woman with extreme physical and sexual violence in a dark alley. All rape is rape, representing both an individual who ignored someone’s lack of consent and an individual who was violated in that moment.
U Call It
The idea of “grey rape” also boils the sexual violence down to an issue of miscommunication. She was being sexual, so how was he supposed to know what her resistance (whether she said “No,” froze up, or even passed out) meant? Legally and morally, we can never just assume that our sexual partner is consenting to everything we might have in mind for ourselves, without some kind of clear communication, verbally or nonverbally. Nor is that presumption an excuse for sexual violence.

Ultimately, it is the victim who gets to define whether or not an act was rape. But most often, survivors do not label sexually coercive experiences (which are legally rape) as rape. Why? Because society and their community usually says that the perpetrator can’t be responsible for the assault, that the survivor shouldn’t have been so “sexually independent,” or that it was just one big misunderstanding. There’s a big difference between regret and rape.
Fictions of Men
Although “grey rape” seems to say little about men, between the lines, it says a lot about men. As the Cosmo article claims, men are supposed to be the aggressors and women the pursued, but the modern-day rules leaves men uncertain of boundaries. Ross talks with men about how these ideas should be found offensive by most men. Not only is it saying that men are too self-centered to recognize their partner’s wishes, but also that men’s violence is natural and normal. Without women saying no loudly enough, men are doomed to rape? Men should question these ideas that try to excuse men’s violence by saying that men couldn’t help themselves. Men who rape are making a choice to rape.
No Means No
“Grey rape” suggests that it’s just too impossible to know what “no” looks like. Here are some of our suggestions in case you’re wondering what might count as “no.”
  • “No”
  • “I’m not ready”
  • Too high or intoxicated to understand
  • Passed out
  • Sleeping
  • Crying
  • Pushing away
  • Not answering when asked “are you into this?” or “does this feel good?”

Of course there are many other ways that someone may communicate that they are not consenting. Because consent means a “yes” from both people, we all have a responsibility to check in with our partners. It doesn’t have to be awkward; it can be sexy and comfortable . But it also means we must listen to what our partner is telling us both verbally and non-verbally.


Yes Means Yes
Rightly so, the anti-rape movement has spent a lot of time talking about what non-consent looks like. At the same time, if we’re going to take rape seriously, we also need to take women’s sexuality seriously. We can’t focus on “no,” without also understanding “yes.” We all – male, female, & trans – have the right to say “yes” to sex we want and enjoy.
Everyone has the right to initiate sexual activity and have limits around sexual behaviors that are heard, acknowledged and respected. We need to create an environment in which women have the safety to explore and experiment sexually, without fear of their limits being ignored or being called a “tease.” Healthy sexuality is about mutuality. It’s up to all of us to ensure that we are promoting a sexually healthy community! Ignoring someone’s consent is not Doin’ It Well. It’s rape, and there’s nothing “grey” about it.
Stay tuned until next week as we discuss Artists Against AIDS.

Sex 411: S-E-X-Oh!
Teatro Luna’s S-E-X-Oh!, an exciting play about Latina sexuality and experiences.
Saturday, April 19th at 7pm
Room 134 Temple Buell Hall
 611 E. Loredo Taft Dr., Ch.
Free!

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and sexual violence prevention. Write to them at buzzdoinitwell (at) yahoo (dot) com

Posted by Kim Rice & Ross Wantland at 23:06:40 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday, April 10, 2008

It's So Titillating! Exploring Nipple Play

Tit Bits

Most people have nipples. In fact, during pre-natal development, humans have multiple nipples! The others disappear most of the time, leaving us with just two. In addition, nipples develop before sex characteristics, a possible explanation as to why boys have nipples too, even though they do not seem to serve any purpose. However, nipples can and do serve a very important function for both men and women: sexual stimulation.


Nipples have nerves and blood vessels that make them sensitive and they become erect in both men and women when they are sexually excited (or stimulated), although the degree of erection varies from person to person. In addition, nipple and breast sensitivity varies between individuals. Some people find their nipples to be a highly erogenous part of their body, while others do not get much pleasure from nipple stimulation.


Nipple Play

As we mentioned, some people don't like their nipples stimulated at all, some like gentle nipple attention while others may enjoy their nipple play to be a bit more rough or intense. So, just like other sexual activities, nipple play exploration requires communication and experimentation.  Some people like their full breast cupped, squeezed or tugged during sex, leaving the nipple alone. Others may enjoy soft stimulation of the nipple using a finger, palm of the hand or mouth. Gently sucking the nipples is another variation, as is biting the nipple. Biting can also vary from soft nibbling to more intense "biting" or tugging of the nipple in between the teeth. We often consider nipple stimulation to be part of foreplay, but many people enjoy the sensations of nipple stimulation leading up to, right before, during or even after orgasm.


Buttery Nipples

Because the nipples are external, they are an excellent part of the body to stimulate with sauces, whipped cream, peanut butter or honey. In addition, drinking a hot drink and the placing the mouth on your partner's nipple, or doing the same with ice can allow for different sensations for the receiver. Lubes that are flavored (like cinnamon) or edible lubes that also have a warming feature can also add variety to nipple play.


Women

Stimulating the nipples on a woman can be intensely pleasurable for both her and her partner. In addition to the pleasurable physical sensations the woman can experience, some women also enjoy seeing their partner's excitement while playing with their nipples. Or, nipple play can be uncomfortable and a turn off, especially if she feels like a partner is more into her breasts than into her.  Each woman should experiment with and decide for herself the kind of sensations she likes. Keep in mind that the sensitivity of the nipples (and breasts) changes throughout the menstrual cycle; one week nipple play may be highly arousing, while being uncomfortable or even painful at other times. Communicate with your partner these differences and the kind of nipple stimulation, if any, you want.


Men

Most of the time, especially in heterosexual sexuality, the focus seems to be on the female breast, including the nipples. But many men also enjoy nipple stimulation and sometimes they don't even realize it can be pleasurable until they try it. Unfortunately, due to homophobia and gender role socialization, men are sometimes reluctant to ask for or experiment with nipple play.. This limits the sexual pleasure that men can enjoy! Of course some men like their nipples played with and some don't. Experiment if you want, and decide for yourself.


Nipple Toys

There are toys designed specifically for nipple play. Most people have heard of nipple clamps, which are placed on the nipples and increase sensitivity by restricting the circulation of blood flow. Nipple clamps can be arousing both visually and physically. Once the clamps are removed, a painful sensation that some people enjoy takes place as the blood rushes back into the nipples. Nipple clamps can be tugged on or gently pulled, or weights can be added for those interested in a more intense experience. As an added bonus, nipple clamps can also be used on other parts of the body, like the vaginal lips or scrotum! In a pinch, a clothespin could be used.


Nipple suckers are plastic devices that are placed over the nipple and then squeezed. The result is a gentle "sucking" sensation. These can be used during partnered sex, but are also a great way for both women and men to enjoy the sucking sensation during solo sex if they cannot reach their nipples with their own mouth. There are even vibrating nipple "teasers" and clamps.


Ultimately, nipple and breast play is for each person our couple to figure out and is only one part of sexual intimacy and pleasure. Talk with your partner about how attention to breasts feels to you, and listen to what they say. Remember, it's not about one specific body part; it's all connected.


Stay tuned next week as Doin' It Well explores the idea of "gray rape."


Sex 411: Check out these great upcoming programs

It's Not Extra Attention, It's Stalking

4-14 La Casa Cultural Latina 6pm

4-21 Asian American Cultural Center 6pm

See the full calendar at www.odos.uiuc.edu/women


Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and sexual violence prevention. Email them at buzzdoinitwell (at) yahoo (dot) com

Posted by Kim Rice & Ross Wantland at 10:38:46 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Getting People in the Mood: Drugs, Sex, & Sexual Assault

April marks Sexual Assault Awareness Month, so we decided to write about a topic that we are hearing more about around campus:  drug facilitated sexual assault. Most people have probably heard about "date rape drugs", but you may be shocked to learn how many college students know someone who believes they have been drugged (up to a 1/3 in some classes polled).  Instead of the "cover your drink," message, Doin' It Well wanted to take a broader look at the attitudes in our community that may allow drug-facilitated sexual assault to occur, and how we each can stand up and do something.


Good to Go

When we talk with students about the "drunk hook-up" they bring up the complex issues about the "rewards" and "challenges" for combining alcohol with sexual activity. They talk about how alcohol can be used to target an individual and get them so drunk that they are basically incapacitated. Students are very aware that alcohol is the most commonly used "date rape drug."


Unfortunately, many of us have heard comments like "a few more and she'll be good to go" or "this should help speed things along." What's worse is that these comments are so ubiquitous, that sometimes they don't even catch our attention. We often laugh them off as jokes, or just an expression. When we approve of someone using a certain drug (alcohol) to incapacitate an individual, we also allow individuals to target people with other drugs, perhaps even by slipping them a drug. We need to ask ourselves what subtle message is being sanctioned when someone uses these lines, even if they are joking, and then find ways to challenge it.


It Takes a Village to Stop a Rapist

Regardless of whether the drugs are being ingested willingly or involuntarily, drug-facilitated sexual violence is being perpetrated by members of our community against other members of our community. How do we stop this? We must all play a role. Tips like "watch your drink" may help reduce the risk, but will never eliminate sexual violence from our community.


Attitude Adjustment

If you are in a group and people are joking about slipping someone a drug, here are some comments to try:

  • "I'd rather have a girl give me straight-up consent, and know she wants to be with me, wouldn't you?"
  • "There's nothing to be proud of with that. What if someone was doing that to your sister?"
  • ‘She's a person and - even though you don't know her - hooking up with her when she's out of it, is fucked up."

Standing up in a group of men may make them (or you) uncomfortable. Sometimes, it may feel better (and effective) to have a conversation with one person later, rather than confronting someone in a group.


Stepping in

If you see someone being targeted with alcohol or drugs, go tell them and/or their friends. "Hey, I just heard that group over there mentioning how your friend ‘looked ready to party'. You may want to keep an eye out."


If you see someone in possession of a drug that could facilitate assault (GHB, Ketamine, Rohypnol, etc.) and it appears their intent is to use it on someone else, tell the bartender, party host or the police. This can sometimes be hard because we often don't want to get someone in trouble and we may "hope" that they are just kidding. More than likely, they aren't.


If he is your friend, think about how you might distract him for the time being. You know best whether to talk to him right then about his behavior, or wait until the next morning. You might just say, "Hey, I don't want to see you get into trouble or hurt someone." If we care about him (not to mention the individuals he may be targeting), it's important that we say something to him to let him know that his behavior is not okay.


If you suspect someone has been drugged

If someone is far more intoxicated than they should be or they think they may have been drugged, get them to the emergency room right away (McKinley Health Center cannot test for "date rape drugs"). Emergency rooms can provide testing and other medical attention. You can also call the Rape Crisis hotline at 355-5203 to find out more options and get support.


Get Excited About Sexual Violence

Even when we write about this not-so-fun side of sexuality, people rarely come up to us excitedly and say "awesome column this week!" Perhaps it is  shame around violence that some men are committing and some women and men are experiencing, perhaps it is embarrassment that we have actively participated in or allowed these behaviors. Sexual violence, as a social issue, affects our sisters, mothers, brothers, children, partners and friends - everyone in our society.


It's up to all of us to fight back to eliminate it so that everyone can fully experience sexuality in a positive, affirming way that is fun and exciting, without shame. We would love to never have to talk or write about sexual violence again, but we need your help to end sexual violence to make that possible!

Stay tuned next week as we get to the point about nipples.


Sex 411

Who Wants to be a Porn Star?

April 10th 7pm 180 Bevier Hall

Presented by Kim Rice & Ross Wantland

*must be 18 yrs of age.

For the full Sexual Assault Awareness Month calendar, go to www.odos.uiuc.edu/women


Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and sexual violence prevention. Write to them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
Posted by Kim Rice & Ross Wantland at 22:26:23 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |