Doin’ It Well

While they may not be an official part of the Olympics, golden showers and other “water sports” have been enjoyed as a sexual practice for a long time.   Usually referring to urinating or being urinated on by others, water sports are usually seen only as part of BDSM (bondage, discipline/domination, submission/sadism, masochism) sex or in certain pornography films (usually with a BDSM theme). But some people may have questions about water sports, whether or not they are interested in exploring kinkier sex, so we decided to give our readers some information for safe and enjoyable pee play.

 

Putting the Pee in Play

 The medical professionals call water sports urolagnia, urophilia (urine loving), or even urophagia (consuming urine). Whatever we call it, some folks may wonder why people do it. Those who engage in pee play talk about the early shame and taboo attached to urine and bladder control and how engaging in something so taboo enhances sexual excitement. For some, urinating upon another is a way to play with trust, boundaries, and power. Additionally, the experience of urinating (or trying not to) may feel similar to sensations during sexual arousal.

 

Water sports can also include activities beyond urinating on one another, and may include role-plays wherein one partner dictates when and where their submissive partner urinates. Sometimes the humiliation as part of these well-scripted and agreed upon scenes are what adds to arousal.  People use their shower or tub as the location for easy clean up. However, some people purchase rubber sheets, use a tile floor, or any number of areas for engaging water sports, whether by themselves or with a partner.

 

Safety is Golden

One of the reasons that water sports are relatively safe is that urine is mostly sterile and water soluble (meaning it washes away with water). Your kidneys take water-soluble waste out of the blood, producing urine, a combination of water, urea, uric acid, and other waste products.

 

For folks who engage in water sports, it is important to know the health of both yourself and your partner. Although diseases that are transferred primarily via blood-to-blood contact (like HIV or Hepatitis-C) are highly unlikely to be transmitted in the urine, theoretically Hepatitis-B or bacterial infections that may be in the urethra or on genital tissue could be transmitted. Of course if there is blood in the urine, it increases the risk of transmitting an infection (and the person probably should seek medical attention).

 

Drinking

As part of water sports, some folks may want to ingest their own or their partner’s urine. This can be an aspect of power play and isn’t necessarily bad for you. According to those who have done so, urine tastes slightly salty and bitter, but not unpleasant. Even if it is your own urine, there is a small risk of passing along an infection (or moving it from one part of your body to another). Also, because urine is your body’s way of getting rid of waste, you may be putting overflow vitamins, minerals, or toxins into your body. Additionally, if your partner uses drugs and you ingest their urine, you may test positive on drug tests. Be aware of the health of everyone involved, and talk to your medical provider if you notice any issues. 

 

It’s Not Easy Peeing Green

Diet and intake of fluids can greatly affect the smell, color and taste of the urine. Having a rich meal the day before or consuming pungent foods (like asparagus or eggs) can make the smell & taste more intense. Drinking lots of water, fruit juices or other sweet drinks the day before can help dilute the urine, can improve the smell and taste.

 

Pissed On or Pissed Off?

Having an interest in water sports is perfectly normal and healthy, but it may not be something that every partner is into, so respect boundaries.  As with any BDSM play, it is important that partners communicate openly and always seek consent. Respect a partner who expresses a desire for peeing and also respect a partner who does not wish to experience their sexuality in this way.

 

Letter About “Language Lesson”

Dear Kim and Ross,

 I write in response to the article entitled “Language Lesson: Beyond PC.” (
August 7, 2008) What stands out the most for me is how the article claims a sort of unified voice for the gay community.  Many gays do not find the question, “Are you gay?” offensive nor the question “Are you a homosexual?” since both (albeit their pejorative history as the authors invoked) are pretty neutral terms used to define a man and or a woman who prefers the sexual companionship of the same sex.  I am glad to have read [the article] yet I still want to emphasize the normality and properness of the words “gay” and “homosexual”.

-DM

 

Dear DM,

You make an excellent point - if we are talking about using the language the people feel the most comfortable with, then that will encompass all words. We hope that whatever words we use to describe ourselves that mutual respect and caring is a major component of that.

 

Stay tuned next week as we explore the closet!

 

Sex 411: Before You “Go”

• Know both you and your partner’s health
• Drink plenty of fluids, especially water
• Talk with each other about expectations and boundaries

 

Kim and Ross know that you have some questions you’ve been dying to ask. So ask! E-mail them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Dear Kim &
Ross:

An article on the sexual health effects of smoking (esp. erectile dysfunction) would be great-PM

 

PM-

 

Thanks for the suggestion for a column that addresses the ways that smoking affects sexual health. Most of us know that smoking is unhealthy and negatively affects all systems of the body, both in short and long term ways. But some people may not know how smoking specifically affects sexual health.

 

Most of the time when we talk about what is “healthy” there are not-so-subtle scare tactics at work to make us run screaming from the unhealthy product, whether that is high-fructose corn syrup or meth. For individuals who are addicted, the choice to quit is a personal one. While we realize that stating this information probably won’t cause people to quit their addiction to cigarettes, everyone should be equipped with the information to allow them to make informed decisions about their sex lives. So this week we address not only smoking, but additional ways to be sexually healthy.

 

Up in Smoke?

When we think of the side effects of smoking, lung cancer is usually the first. However, smoking actually increases the risk of all cancers, including cervical, ovarian and breast cancer. In addition to the sexual effects of cancer (and cancer treatment), more research also links smoking as a causal factor in erectile dysfunction, as smoking affects the circulatory system. Some men (even younger guys) find that if they quit smoking (cigarettes or weed), their erections improve.

 

Women who smoke are faced with fewer birth control options since smoking, especially in women over the age of 35, dramatically increases the risk of heart attack or stroke when combined with hormone birth control. Also, smoking decreases fertility in both men and women, both in the immediate sense (if you’re trying to get pregnant today) and in the future, because smoking affects a woman’s menstrual cycle making pregnancy more difficult and lowers sperm count. (But smoking is not an effective form of birth control!) Also, smoking increases the risk of ectopic pregnancy. Clearly, avoiding cigarettes can have a beneficial impact on our sexual health.

 

Sexually Well-Rounded

Much of the time, efforts are focused on the physical aspects of sexuality and health, including how we approach sex education classes to pregnancy and STD prevention campaigns. The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S. (SIECUS) takes a more holistic approach in its document “Life Behaviors of a Sexually Healthy Adult.” According to SIECUS (and we agree), there are many aspects to sexuality, including emotional development, relationships, interpersonal skills, sexual behaviors and the sexuality of our society.

 

Are you Sexually Healthy?

A sexually healthy adult will develop fully in each dimension and continue to evolve to be the healthiest they can be. But because we have few role models and lack of education and resources, this can be challenging. Until we begin to view sexuality as a natural and wonderful part of the human experience, we will always be conflicted about sexuality, sexual behavior and sexual health. So - with many thanks to SIECUS - here is a helpful guide to becoming sexually healthy.

 

A Sexually Healthy Adult Will…

Development:

• Appreciate one’s own body.
• Seek information about reproduction
• Affirm that human development includes sexual development
• Acknowledge that sexual development may or may not include reproduction or sexual experiences
• Interact with other genders in respectful and appropriate ways
• Affirm one’s own sexual orientation and respect the sexual orientations of others

Relationships:

• Express love and intimacy in appropriate ways
• Develop and maintain meaningful relationships
• Avoid exploitative or manipulative relationships
• Make informed choices about family options and lifestyles
• Develop skills that enhance personal relationships

Personal Skills:

• Identify and live according to one’s values
• Practice effective decision making
• Communicate openly and effectively with others
• Take responsibility for one’s own behavior

Sexual Behavior:

• Enjoy and express one’s sexuality throughout life
• Express one’s sexuality in ways that are congruent with one’s values
• Enjoy sexual feelings without necessarily acting on them
• Discriminate between life-enhancing sexual behaviors and those that are harmful to self and/or others
• Express one’s sexuality while respecting the rights of others
• Seek new information to enhance one’s sexuality
• Engage in sexual relationships that are characterized by honesty, equity and responsibility

Sexual Health:

• Use contraception effectively to avoid unintended pregnancy
• Recognize the importance of overall health on sexual health
• Seek early prenatal care
• Avoid contracting or transmitting a sexually transmitted disease
• Seek medical care when possible STD exposure occurs or symptoms are present
• Acts consistent with one’s values when dealing with an unintended pregnancy
• Prevent sexual abuse of children

Society & Culture:

• Demonstrate tolerance for people with different sexual values or lifestyles
• Exercise democratic responsibility to influence legislation dealing with sexual issues
• Assess the impact of family, cultural, religious, media and societal messages on one’s feelings, thoughts, values and behaviors related to sexuality
• Avoid behaviors that exhibit bigotry, prejudice, abuse, or exploit others
• Educate others about sexuality, including young people
• Reject stereotypes about the sexuality of diverse populations
• Actively work to end sexual violence, including sexual harassment

Take some time to decide how sexually healthy you are in each of the categories outlined above. None of us are fully evolved sexually; that is a lifelong process! But by taking the time to examine the areas in which we’d like to develop further, we can all start actively working towards sexual health, for ourselves and our loved ones. Here’s to sexually healthy society!

 

Check us out next week as we get into the Olympic spirit and play around with watersports.

 

Sex 411: Sexuality & Health

www.sexedlibrary.org

www.siecus.org

 

Send Kim and Ross your comments and ideas to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com or read their past columns at www.doinitwell.blog.com

Although nothing new, the phenomenon of pegging - a woman anally penetrating a man with a strap-on dildo - has gained attention recently. In the nineties, sex shop workers witnessed an increase of women coming in to buy strap-on gear to have anal sex with their male partners. Along with this, sexologist Carol Queen released a series of instructional videos titled “Bend Over Boyfriend” to help couples explore this act. Savage Love author Dan Savage decided that this act needed a name, and his readers decided upon “peg.” Whatever you call it, here are a few tips to help you say, “Bend over, boyfriend.”

Got You Pegged

In reality, pegging is simply anal sex. But because we assume that 1) anal sex is only for gay men and 2) men are “on top,” pegging is seen totally differently. For men and women, the butt, the anus, and the rectum are all erogenous areas of the body. For men, the prostate gland (2-3 inches inside the body between the base of the penis and the anus,) is also extremely sensitive. Because men may not learn this about their bodies, however, many men may be shocked during their first prostate exam when they get an erection. However, the fact is that stimulating these areas of our bodies can create sexual arousal and even orgasm.

Should straight couples worry if the male is interested in being anally stimulated or penetrated? Not at all; interest in anal penetration, whether you’re the receptive male or the penetrating female, doesn’t mean you’re “gay” or “lesbian.”  People of all sexual orientations and genders enjoy anal play- although we’re focusing females penetrating males for this column.  

Despite (or maybe because of) the stigma attached to anal sex, pegging can be a fun, new experience for partners who are interested. Some couples enjoy the taboo of women penetrating their male partner, and some women may like the experience of having their own phallus. She may enjoy the sensation of masturbating her dildo or even watching her male partner give her fellatio. Although some couples may role play around pegging, for other couples, pegging may be a very routine and regular aspect of their sex lives.

Let’s Talk About Peg

Like all sex, the most important aspect of good, hot pegging is open communication. Talk with each other about your expectations and boundaries. Let your partner know what you’d like to experience, and let them share their interests, too. And when anal sex actually begins, continuing talking!. What feels good? What would feel better? Is there enough lube? Should you slow down or speed up? Remember, (regardless of mainstream porn’s hard and fast approach) that the person being penetrated (especially initially) should control the depth and speed of thrusting.

Know Yourself

For some men, anal stimulation may be new, so you may not be able to give your partner much guidance during pegging. By yourself, explore your butt, anus, and rectum to find out what you like and what feels good. Try stimulation with your fingers, butt plug or dildo. Because the anus is surrounded by muscles, you may want to work up to full penetration, using your fingers or smaller dildos to help you get comfortable. (Remember, do not insert any object not intended for anal play; if it does not have a flared base, it can get stuck!)

Lube It Up

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: anal sex requires lots of lube. Find a thick, water-based or silicone lube that works best for you. Read the bottle, as some anal lubes advertise desensitizing ingredients - meant to make a penetrating male last longer or to numb a receptive partner for “harder” penetration. We don’t recommend these..

Because there is no risk for pregnancy and little risk for STDs with pegging, couples may forego condom use. However, if you are unsure of your partner’s status, do not insert a dildo into the vagina and then into a partners rectum. This can transmit STDs. And likewise, do not insert a dildo that has been in a rectum into any other body part without fully cleaning it or changing a condom.

Getting It (Strapped) On

Perhaps the most important aspect of pegging is finding the gear that is right for you and your partner. Strap-on sex requires a dildo or phallus with a flared base, and a harness, a device with a ring that holds the dildo firmly in place. Harnesses can range from bicycle shorts to g-string underwear to thigh or waist straps (which leave room for digital stimulation of the wearer). Dildos themselves can come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and materials.

Just because you’re on top doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself, too. The base of the dildo may provide some clitoral stimulation during sex play. Additionally, some dildos/harnesses may come with vibrating parts or can be used with vibrating cock rings, which may provide additional stimulation to both the wearer and their partner. Additionally, there are double-headed dildos which penetrate the wearer and their partner simultaneously. If you want this sensation, but need different sizes/shapes, some harnesses allow the wearer to pack two dildos simultaneously (one inside, one outside).

Harnesses and dildos are available at most sex shops and online. Shop around, read some customer reviews, try it out, and find what is best for you!

Check us out next week as we discuss what it means to be sexually healthy.

Sex 411: Pegging Resources

Blue, V. The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Strap-On Sex

Queen, C. Bend Over Boyfriend series

Send Kim and Ross your suggestions and questions at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Ross & Kim,
Your column regarding bisexuality has sparked some questions here [where I work]…In the column, it says that the term “homosexual” is no longer appropriate. What would [the] pc term now be? We understand the connotation used in schools and by other youths, but is there another more suitable term? Is it being directed towards more of the L/G/B/Tg/Ts/Q/I/2/A terminology? From a personal stand point, I would rather be termed “homosexual” than many other terms used in relationship to the lesbian community, but I may be missing something that may be useful in demographic terms.
Thanks!
Kerri

Kerri, thanks for the great question. We have recently talked about how much we enjoy it when readers write in!

Homosexual History
Yes, in our column on Bisexuality (7.10.08), we said homosexual was “an offensive term now, but the word used at the time.” There are lots of reasons why the term homosexual has generally fallen out of use. First, homosexual is a term that comes out of medical terminology from the late 1800s, marking gay folks as “sexual deviants.” In fact, it wasn’t until 1973 that “homosexuality” was removed as a mental disorder from the diagnostic manual (DSM) used by mental health professionals. Additionally, homosexual was a term used to describe men who have sex with men (ignoring women & trans folks), and still seems to leave many people out of the definition. Finally, it tends to refer just to the sexual actions of the individual rather than the more broad identity that they possess.

The Homosexual Agenda
In addition, the LGBT individuals and groups we have worked with do not use the word “homosexual” to describe themselves. In fact, when someone uses the term “homosexual”, it usually signals that the speaker is not familiar with the groups’ experiences or lives, particularly if the speaker is an ally (straight person supportive of LGBT folks) rather than a member of the LGBT community. The word homosexual is also charged term because of the way it is used in politics, churches and other spaces to condemn “homosexuals”, “the homosexual lifestyle” or “the homosexual agenda.” In these ways, it is definitely not a term of respect.

What do I say?
But the question you ask is what language is more accepted or politically correct (PC)? More common than “homosexual” is saying “LGBT” or “lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered folks.” This is a list and possesses its own problems (like for instance, are you really talking about each of those groups, or are you just doing it to sound good?). And, “LGBT” also leaves people out, like people who are intersex, or those who are questioning their sexual orientation and identity. That’s why sometimes you might see LGBTQIQA (queer, intersex, questioning and ally) or other variations.

In certain arenas, “queer” seems to be preferred as it allows a broader definition of feelings, attitudes, and identities. But the word queer has political roots too, and some in the community do not prefer it, since it is a word that historically has been used to bash LGBT people. Later, the community reclaimed the word queer, and used it as a way to unify and advocate for important issues. For these and other reasons, those outside the LGBT community, including allies, may be offending someone if they liberally use the word queer. In addition, in some spaces, the word queer is threatening whereas LGBT feels more comfortable. For example, a speaker probably couldn’t call up a local high school asking to give a workshop on queer identity, but may offer a workshop on LGBT issues.

You also bring up another very good point,.. Who gets to say what someone identifies another person as? Ideally it would be that person. If a person wants to identify as “homosexual” (or a homosexual), or some other way, that should be their prerogative. Some people don’t want any labels, some people enjoy specific labels. Like gender identity, no one knows that better than the individual themselves. So although we may use broad terminology as a way to discuss the topic, ultimately we need to listen to the individual.

Being PC is so Gay
Our last point may also be the most important: we do not see these as issues of political correctness. Politically correct language can often be used to say the same racist, sexist, homophobic, and classist things that have always been said, but masks them under “appropriate” language. We believe we need to think about language in terms of respect, and listening to the people who are supposed to feel respected by the language. Because of the way the conservative right has co-opted “PC” as a frivolous burden of “liberals,” mainstream US culture views it as meaningless posturing. But if we frame our language & behaviors in terms of what is respectful instead of what is “politically correct,” it allows us opportunities to listen and learn.

Ask & Listen
Great question, thanks for writing in. In general, for folks outside the community, including allies, LGBT is preferred. But, as we have mentioned before the LGBT community is not homogeneous; everyone has different opinions, experiences, expectations and preferences in terms of labels. If you are unsure of your language, whether with an individual or within a group, open up a dialogue about what would be the most respectful and listen to the response.

Check out Doin’ It Well next week as we explore pegging.

Sex 411: Continuing the Conversation
To learn more, visit the Office of LGBT Resources, 323 Illini Union to find books, discussions, trainings, videos and more. www.odos.uiuc.edu/lgbt/

Write in your questions to Kim & Ross at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com