We’re Your Fans, Keep Doin’ It Well!
In the past year that we have been co-authoring Doin’ It Well, we have noticed some interesting things when people meet us and then learn that we write this column. Of course, both of us are always flattered when folks tell us they read our column or ask us if we are the people who write “that sex column in the Buzz.” It makes us feel good to know that not only are people reading information about sexuality, but they actually enjoy what we have to say! Sometimes, though, something more interesting than praise follows in these discussions. We decided to reflect on this a bit more and offer our thoughts.
You write that column?
It’s fun for us to be at social or work gatherings and talk to folks who read our column. Reactions are always very positive but range from people displaying bashfulness that they actually read our column to those who are really intrigued to meet someone who would actually write our column. Invariably, discussions turn to sex, and people start asking all sorts of questions. This highlights for us how sex, sexuality, and even sex education is still extremely taboo, yet people crave this information and conversation. It also says something about how our country has failed us in providing good, accurate sex education and a safe, inviting atmosphere in which to discuss this very normal and wonderful aspect of human existence.
Who’s Doin’ It Well? You’re Doin’ It Well!
While having a known sex columnist in the room usually opens the space for discussions about sex, sometimes only the column is needed. One reader told us about how he reads the column with his male co-workers over lunch. Another reader told us how her partner reads our column every week and starts discussions with her about it. Many students have said they have copied our column to use for class assignments, discussion groups or presentations. Therapists have written to us to say that they have given certain columns to clients they are working with. Some folks have even hung certain columns on their fridge as a reminder for them, and also for others, to read. (The Women’s Sexual Bill of Rights was a popular one!) In many different ways, people are looking to start the conversation about sex, sexuality, sexual violence prevention and being sexually healthy.
We love these stories because the fact that people are doing this is awesome! It shows us that with permission and good information, the ways we view and talk about sex can change for the better. We want to give a shout out to those of you who pass that on to others, giving them the freedom and space to talk openly about sex. In this way, our community is uniting to improve the sexual health and development of those around us. We write the column, but you should get credit for that!
Getting a feel for your audience
Sometimes, folks get so excited to talk about sex, they often forget about boundaries! Be sure to pay attention to nonverbal, body and social cues when discussing sexual topics with others. For example, while it’s great that people are discussing our columns at work, some people may not appreciate these discussions. It’s easy to check in and ask people if they are comfortable, and it can open up a whole other dialogue around sex and sexuality.
You can sometimes tell by the way someone reacts if they are cool with the discussion or not. One way might be to open with, “Did you see the Doin’ It Well column this week?” If someone answers yes and starts talking, great! If they say no, it may be best to say, “It was an interesting column about sexuality and …” and then move on to other topics. Keep in mind how bringing up a sexual topic with someone may be perceived by them. They might think you are being salacious, harassing, or trying to hit on them. And that wouldn’t be Doin’ It Well.
Another tip: Save personal sexual information about yourself for your partner or close friends. Sometimes when the conversation gets going, it can be easy to get wrapped up in wanting to talk more freely about sex and sexuality. But boundaries are still in order.
From countering comments that send pro-rape messages, to inquiring about a partner’s sexual needs to having more fun and playful sex, we’re glad that each of you is committed to Doin’ It Well. It takes a certain kind of person, perhaps, to write a sex column, but it also takes a certain kind of person to start a dialogue with others about these topics when they aren’t a sex educator or sexual violence preventionist. Keep Doin’ It Well!
As always, check us out next week, faithful readers, as we discuss stroking styles.
Sex 411: Mark Your Calendars
Artists Against AIDS
April 24th-27th
Orpheum Children’s Museum (downtown Champaign)
Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are experts in the fields of sexuality and sexual violence prevention. Send them your comments at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
