Early to Rise: Interview with Staff of Chicago’s Early to Bed
Doin’ It Well recently answered a reader question about women and queer friendly sex shops in the Champaign-Urbana area, so we decided to branch out and check out Early To Bed (E2B), a self-identified feminist sex toy shop in Chicago. According to their website, the owner founded E2B because Chicago was “in dire need of a place where people of all genders (and in particular women) could shop for sex toys in a clean, welcoming space.” We met up with E2B sex educators Margo Scott and Lee Jacobs Riggs to talk about their thoughts on working in a feminist sex toy shop.
DIW: What is your favorite part about working at E2B?
Margo: I love helping people! I love hearing people talk about how excited they are about trying something new, or how something has made their relationship sizzle again. There is a sense as though you can have a profound affect on someone’s relationship with themselves and their bodies. It’s quite liberating and important work, in my opinion.
Lee: Uhhh, I get a good discount…
DIW: Why do you work for E2B?
Lee: When I started here, I had just left two and a half years of rape crisis work and was really traumatized by seeing the work I cared about co-opted. Working in a low stress environment that related to sex primarily as a joyful thing was exactly what I needed.
In rape - sex is used as a tool of oppression and therefore one’s future relationship to [sex] is really seriously impacted. [W]e need to talk not just about what we don’t want, but what we do want. But, a lot of days I just talk about lube and, well, that’s rewarding and not stressful, too…
DIW: What does it mean to work at a feminist sex toy shop?
Margo: [F]or me, being a feminist sex toy shop employee is all about recognizing humanity’s sexualities. For us, we have chosen to focus mainly on women’s sexualities, be they straight, queer, kinky, some combination therein or otherwise.
Lee: My job title is “sex educator” here. At a feminist sex toy store, you’ll find an emphasis on knowledge. [The] staff is educated about the products so that we can support customers in buying what’s right for them, not just making a sale. The environment we create attempts to diffuse the shame and secrecy about sex that we inherit from the larger misogonist, ableist, fat-phobic, queer-phobic, racist culture around us.
DIW: Do you have any videos at the shop? What do you think makes them feminist?
Lee: There’s two types of movies we have, educational videos and” porn.” Educational videos can be a really useful tool for folks who don’t find sitting down with a book an appealing option. As for porn, I don’t think there’s anything innately anti-feminist about erotic imagery. Most of us are very visual creatures. Good porn can be a useful sex toy, just like a vibrator, to add some variation and creativity to sex play.
I wouldn’t necessarily hold up each and every video we have as a representation of “feminist” film. We look for films directed and/or produced by women, that feature women in control of their own sexuality and clearly enjoying what’s going on. We look for real orgasms. Yes, the larger porn industry and a lot of what it produces reflects misogynist, patriarchal, racist, ableist values, but, it’s a reflection of the culture we live in.
DIW: What is difficult about working at E2B?
Lee: Once in a while it’s difficult to figure out what people really need because shame and embarrassment gets in the way of them being able to articulate it.
Margo: Certain couple’s dynamics, mostly among straight couples [such as] the guy spending two seconds on picking out a toy for his girlfriend; or the woman who tells me her husband loves anal sex with her, but it hurts, so do we have Analease.
DIW: What are some common misconceptions about a feminist sex toy shop?
Lee: I think the biggest one is that men are not welcome here. Of course men are welcome and encouraged to come here, male supremacy just is not.
Margo: A lot of men shop with us because just as seedy sex shops have made women uncomfortable, there are plenty of men that are uncomfortable in those places as well! Who wouldn’t want to frequent a nice, comfortable, well lit, friendly place?
DIW: Any final words?
Margo: I think folks need to know that we are always willing to listen and will try our hardest to help. Even if we don’t know the answer to your question right then, everyone at the store is willing to do the research and help you figure out a workable solution.
Lee: Lube makes everything better. Butt sex doesn’t have to hurt. There are as many intersex people in the world as there are redheads. Don’t buy things to make your pussy tighter or smell like flowers or your dick bigger or your body numb.
Sex 411: Field Trip!
Early to Bed
5232 N. Sheridan Rd., Chicago
Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and violence prevention. Email them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
