Do You See What I See? Sex in Public
What’s the big deal?
People have various reactions to the thought of having sex in public. For some, it’s the ultimate fantasy, for others sex is viewed as something private and therefore should be done at home behind closed doors.
Sex in public can be exciting for some people simply because it’s seen as “wrong” or taboo. The arousal that we experience during moments of danger or fear can feel similar to, or add to, sexual arousal. Other people may experience a rush of excitement due to the possibility of being seen or caught.
Having sex in public is a common fantasy and can include anything from rubbing your partner’s thigh or genitals under the table at a restaurant, to having intercourse in the Morrow Plots. Whether it’s the thrill of being watched or caught, or because you don’t have a private place to go (roommates), there are some things you should know to keep public sex hot and safe.
Come prepared
It can be really exciting to suddenly realize that both you and your partner want to have sex, and that doing so in public would add to the thrill. Planning ahead can make it all the better. Talk to your partner about your fantasy to make sure they too want to expose that side of themselves. Public sex is not for everyone and pressuring a partner who is reluctant is not cool.
Think of it as an impromptu sex picnic: Bring a backpack with a blanket, condoms and lube. Wear clothing that can easily be pulled down or off and put back on again quickly. Having public sex at night will help you go unnoticed.
On the other hand, a poorly thought-out plan can be a disaster. Coming home after a night out to find your roommate home and then having sex in the resident hall lounge is almost guaranteed to end in a bust that neither you nor your partner may be prepared for. In addition, sloppy sex is rarely hot and deciding to hook up on the quad when both you and your partner are drunk may not seem as “spontaneous” and “fun” the next day when it’s featured in the Booze News. Keep public sex sober, safe and always consensual.
Private Eyes … Are Watching You …
Some people enjoy sex in public because there is a chance that someone might see them. Keep in mind, those people might have cameras, might be police officers or, worse, might be minors.
Some people may enjoy the voyeurism of watching people having sex, and it might add spice to their own sex lives. At the same time, you and your partner may not be prepared for your lovemaking to appear on YouTube. Be aware of who’s around when getting down in public. Aside from possibly taking pictures or filming you, those who can see you might not share in your fantasy of exhibitionism. It’s hard to tell, so consider the consequences. You might offend them. They might call the police.
Most states (and campuses) have laws against indecent exposure, public lewdness and trespassing. If you get caught by a police office or a Resident Advisor you might get into trouble. Part of the thrill of public sex is the idea that you might get caught. Actually getting caught or, worse, arrested usually dampens the mood you’ve created.
Although part of the thrill may be getting caught, public sex should not be about forcing other people to watch you. This crosses the line from sexy to creepy very quickly, and it’s frankly disrespectful of other people’s rights to NOT see you exposing yourself or having sex. Also, never, ever have sex in an area where children might see you. This is abusive and, for good reasons, illegal. Whether it is your roommate or an innocent bystander, think how your romp may affect others before you get it on.
Keep It Clean, Folks
Most people who see condoms or condom wrappers on the ground think “Gross!” Here at Doin’ it Well, we think, “Awesome! They were safe! Except, they littered.” Picking up after you have sex will ensure that you don’t ruin the public hot spots for the rest of us and it’ll help the environment, too. Kindly throw away your condoms when you’re done.
Sex 411 Public Thrills
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Stimulate your partner manually or orally while they are driving (get permission first)
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Pull into a rest area, or off a dirt road and get it on the backseat
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Have sex in a public restroom on a city street that has one way windows-you can see out but no one can see in!
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Try it on the balcony of your apartment
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At home, pull up the blinds. You can leave the lights off, or increase the thrill (at night) by turning them on.
Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and violence prevention. E-mail them your favorite places for public sex at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
