Don’t Stop Tryin’: Sex During Pregnancy
In The Family Way
Most people have sex for pleasure and intimacy, not to get pregnant. Said another way, the majority of the time that people engage in sex, it is not to create new life. So it makes sense that once a pregnancy is established, sex will continue. And well it should.
We want to state from the onset that we recognize that all pregnancies are unique and all situations different. While it’s perfectly safe for healthy women to have sex and experience orgasm throughout her pregnancies, each woman and/or couple should consult with her doctor or midwife about any questions she has about sex during pregnancy. A doctor or midwife will tell you if you should avoid sex for any reason due to your pregnancy.
Ch-ch-ch-changes
The main thing to keep in mind for sex during pregnancy is the woman’s comfort. In fact, either partner may not want to have sex during certain times of pregnancy. Particularly during the first trimester when a woman may experience increased fatigue, morning sickness or nausea throughout the day, breast tenderness, and changing hormone levels, sex may not feel like a “fun” activity. Sleep and not throwing up might take priority over sex. But all women and pregnancies are different. Some women may feel great during their first trimester and may feel very horny and interested in sex.
In the second trimester, many women experience an increase in energy and sexual desire. Morning sickness may go away, and in general, a woman may become more used to being pregnant as well as to her changing body. Also, during the second trimester the vagina becomes more engorged and vaginal lubrication increases. As a result, many women report being more easily aroused and enjoy sex a lot more during this time.
What Goes Where
Sex during pregnancy allows intimate partners to explore different sexual positions and additional ways to experience both emotional and sexual intimacy. As a woman’s body grows during pregnancy, partners will need to explore more ways, beyond the traditional “missionary position,” of giving and experiencing pleasure, because weight on the woman’s abdomen may become uncomfortable. Also, according to pregnancy books, pregnant women are instructed not to lie on their backs after 16 weeks, as it may affect blood circulation. Intimate partners can try lying side by side, either facing each other or not while stimulation or penetration occurs. A rear entry position where the woman is on her knees can also be comfortable and pleasurable. In addition, sex with the woman on top allows her to control the depth and speed of penetration without the weight of her partner causing discomfort.
And remember, penetration isn’t all there is to sex! Massage, kissing, mutual masturbation, using sex toys and oral sex are all options during pregnancy as well. The sex you have during pregnancy may not look like the sex you had before pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t feel good.
Face Value
Sometimes as intimate partners experiment with these positions, they may worry that intimacy may be lost, particularly if they are not facing each other. This is a valid concern, and talking with your partner is important to make sure you are feeling as connected as you want to be. Any sexual position can increase intimacy, love and connection, as long as both partners are able to talk openly so expectations and needs can be met.
Non-Pregnant Partners
Keep in mind that the non-pregnant partner is also going through emotional changes during pregnancy and they can affect his or her feelings about and interest in sex. For example, in straight relationships, a man may have difficulty handling the idea of the sweet, mother figure versus that of a more sexual image of his partner. This “Madonna-Whore” complex can be difficult to navigate. Whether they are in same- or opposite-gender couples, people are just now getting used to their new roles and those of their partners and can experience fears about parenting that may affect their sexual desire or performance. Communication is as important as ever during pregnancy, especially when it comes to sex.
Oh, baby!
Most pregnancy books have a section that addresses sex. One warning you may read: intimate partners should be careful not to blow into the vagina, because this can lead to dangerous air embolisms. Again, consult your doctor or midwife with any questions you have. Sex is like other activities during pregnancy, and some precautions should be taken. But don’t worry; sex during pregnancy is very normal and safe. Be smart, be creative, and have fun.
Sex 411: Being Safe
Condoms aren’t just for pregnancy prevention. Contracting an STI during pregnancy can be harmful either to the pregnancy or to the baby. If your current partner has a known STI - like herpes - or if you have a new sexual partner during pregnancy, make sure to use condoms during sex.
Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the fields of sexuality and violence prevention. Email them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com
