Doin’ It Well

Spring break issue #1: (Some) Men’s Violence

Men’s violence against women is about men’s behavior, yet we usually focus on women’s behaviors as the solution. What would it look like if men were seen as the solution for the violence some men perpetrate? What if the spring break call-in show featured a group of men who were asked questions like “how come some men perpetrate violence against women?” “What violence prevention messages should men be aware of to have a safe spring break?”  This approach would make the responsibility more equal, instead of the current assumption: “Men: go have fun, women: be careful!”

Spring break issue #2: Hot & sexy women

The messages around women’s sexuality are clear. When they’re sexual, they’re putting themselves “a t r isk” (of violence, of being called names, etc.). When they’re hurt, they shouldn’t have been so sexual. Certainly, women may self-limit their sexuality based on their intuition. This doesn’t change the fact that women have the right to be sexual in ways that feel right to them. What would self-defined sex for women look like? That’s just it; we don’t know what it would look like because it would be self-defined. Maybe it would look a lot like the list of Women’s Sexual Rights from last week. And here are a few more:  Women have the right to be sexual on spring break and not be blamed for it. Women have the right to drink; and they also have the right not to be targeted with alcohol by men for sex (or for making Girls Gone Wild videos). Women have the right to experience their sexuality for themselves, not solely for the benefit of men.

Spring break issue #3: Hot & sexy men

Most men do not perpetrate violence against women. While not all men perpetrate, men do have a role in perpetuating a culture of violence against women, and it’s up to men to change this. It’s time for men to “take sexy back” and redefine what this means. Sexy is not standing around a keg commenting on women’s bodies as objects, based on size, shape, or features. Sexy is not joking about or making comments about using alcohol as a way to get sex (i.e, one more drink and she’ll be good to go). Sexy is not pressuring other men to have sex at all costs in order to prove masculinity.

Sexy men respect women, and seek relationships (whether long term or for one night) based on mutual involvement, sexual pleasure and expression.  Sexy men challenge other men when they objectify women, by saying things like “that’s not cool, dude, she’s a person.” Sexy men call out their friends when they notice how drinking events are targeted toward women (buying women drinks).  Sexy men talk with their friends about how hot sex is consensual and, possibly, sober. Sexy men challenge other men that there is more to sex than just having it; the experience of it can make a huge difference.

By all means, be sexy. Be sexual, or choose not to. Just make sure it’s on your terms, and is deliberate, not based on what MTV tells you about how spring break should be.