Doin’ It Well

Kim: Some of you may have noticed that two weeks ago, Kate Ruin announced she was stepping away from Doin’ It Well. Geographical distance and involvement in other social justice activities have sadly pulled her away from the column we created. She is missed!

But don’t worry, faithful readers: I have recruited another awesome co-author, Ross Wantland. I am totally excited to continue Doin’ It Well with him.

Ross: Hello readers! I am overjoyed to join Kim Rice in this writing venture. A little about me: For the past 10 years, I have been doing sexual and domestic violence prevention work in this community. Currently, I work with a lot with men to help us as men understand our own role in preventing violence against women. Because of my work, folks sometimes get confused and believe that because I am anti-rape, then I’m somehow anti-sex. Actually, I think sex is great, and I enjoy talking about sexual health. Sex is wonderful and healthy. We’re not born innately knowing everything about it and we all could use some assistance to help us navigate the murky waters of sexuality in our society. I am looking forward to answering your questions and providing you with information to keep you (and us) Doin’ It Well.

When we talk with women about their sexuality, we notice that many women have a difficult time being in touch with, celebrating, and truly owning their own sexual identities. Women are often taught that their sexuality is for the benefit of someone else, usually men. Although we will explore the reasons for this in later columns, it led us to brainstorm a list of women’s sexual rights, or affirmations. Maybe women and men will cut this column out and post it on their refrigerators, in their bedrooms or on their bathroom mirrors, replacing the usual affirmations on post-it notes that say things like “you are a good person” with this Women’s Sexual Bill of Rights.

Sex 411: Women’s Sexual Bill of Rights
Women have the right to sexual pleasure
Women have the right to their own bodies and a right to touch their bodies for pleasure
Women have the right to sexual expression without the consequence of harassment or sexual violence
Women have the right to reproductive health choices that affect their bodies
Women have the right to say yes to sex
Women have the right to initiate sexual activity
Women have the right to begin sexual exploration and activity at a time that feels OK and desirable to them, which may be earlier or later than what parents, religions, society or partners are comfortable with
Women have the right to prevent pregnancy and to enjoy sexual activity for the pleasure it provides
Women have the right to ask for the type of sexual stimulation they want
Women have the right to be the experts about their own bodies and about how they liked to be touched
Women have the right to teach their partners how, where and when they like to be touched
Women have the right to bring condoms on dates and request that their partners wear them on penises or dildos
Women have the right to mutually satisfying, respectful sexual encounters
Women have the right to look at, explore, touch, massage and play with their bodies, including their genitals
Women have the right to feel horny and to experience sexual frustration (“blue ovaries”)
Women have the right to experience love, sex and intimacy in physical, emotional and spiritual ways with other women, men and anyone in between
Women have the right to heal from the trauma and abuse inflicted upon them and to enjoy sexual lives that are satisfying and fulfilling
Women have the right to love other women openly
Women have the right to expect to experience orgasm during sex
Women have the right to understand and be with partners who understand that female sexuality, anatomy and functioning are different from men’s and equally important and valid
Women have the right to live in a world free of sexual violence

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are professionals in the field of sexuality and violence prevention. Send your questions, comments, reactions and opinions to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com.