HIV/AIDS: Walking toward a cure...

Let’s review

HIV is the virus that causes AIDS. It is transmitted primarily by four fluids: breastmilk, blood, semen and vaginal secretions. It is highly preventable by blocking these fluids from entering our bodies through barriers like condoms, clean injection-drug needles, and of course, education.

For those who become infected with HIV, the virus begins replicating, infecting immune system cells, decreasing their ability to fight off other infections. As more cells become infected with HIV and the immune systems breaks down, those with HIV are less able to fight off infections that make them sick.

We’ve come so far

Major medical strides have been made in the treatment of HIV, slowing down the progression of disease in those infected. Currently, anti-HIV medications work to lessen the replication of the virus in the body, stalling the infection of new cells.  This keeps the immune system of those who are HIV-positive healthy.  In effect, HIV has become a manageable medical condition (for those who have access to healthcare treatment and medications), and the life expectancy and quality of life of folks who receive treatment has increased dramatically.

Hide & seek

The problem with current anti-HIV medications is that they decrease viral replication -keeping people healthy - but do not completely stop it. And HIV is smart. It hides in various cells throughout the body and lays dormant, giving the cell a “healthy” appearance to both the immune system and anti-HIV medications a person is taking. It doesn’t try to replicate in these cells so it can avoid detection by the immune system which helps target the medication to destroy HIV infected cells. Instead, it sits and waits. These hidden pockets of HIV cells are called reservoirs.

Current meds keep HIV at bay, but once the meds are stopped or interrupted for whatever reason, the dormant HIV comes out of hiding and starts replicating and infecting more cells.  Even if current medications never get interrupted, they are needed forever, have side effects, and are expensive. Also, HIV can mutate, becoming drug-resistant. This is why a cure is needed.

Come out, come out, wherever you are

New research is being done to figure out a way to tempt the hidden HIV-infected cells out of hiding and use the current medications we already have to destroy them.  The goal is to thereby eliminate all HIV-infected cells from a person’s body. This would be a cure.

Scientists have now discovered a key protein that allows the virus to hide. They are working on developing drugs that would inhibit this protein from hiding HIV from detection. These inhibitors are at least ten years away for use in humans, but HIV treatment would then be two-fold: HIV infected cells would be activated to “identify themselves” and before they are able to replicate and enter another cell, medications would eliminate them.  HIV could then be eradicated.

Until Then

HIV continues to infect 56,000 new people in the U.S. each year, and many of these people do not know they are infected. Yearly rates of infection have remained pretty consistent for the past 15 years: we need continuous efforts until a cure or preventative vaccine is developed to help prevent the spread of HIV, support those who are infected and in general, promote education and awareness.

Here’s How

As many of our readers know, the Greater Community AIDS Project (GCAP) is a local organization devoted to providing support services to people living with HIV/AIDS in our own backyard. There are still over 300 people living with HIV/AIDS in the ten-county area that GCAP serves, with new cases reported monthly.  And while medical advances have served us well, there are still people dying from AIDS-related illnesses in our communities.

Due to this, each year GCAP and Alpha Epsilon Phi sorority host an AIDS Walk to raise awareness and funds to support HIV/AIDS services locally. Mike Benner, outreach specialist for GCAP had this to say about the Walk:

“Our goal of the AIDS walk or any of our events is to remind people that HIV and AIDS continues to be a problem here in our own backyard.  There has been entirely too little information put out about HIV/AIDS in rural Illinois.  Our goal is to bring that point home.  Everyone who engages in sexual behavior can be at risk.  The only way to keep yourself from becoming infected is to play smart and be educated.  No matter what your behaviors may be, [sexual or otherwise] there are ways to reduce the most risky and lessen your chances of infection.”

We hope to see everyone out at the AIDS Walk on October 12^th!

Stick around for next week when we talk with poet and activist Eli Clare!

Sex 411 AIDS Walk October 12^th Illini Grove 11:15am

• Walk starts at 12 noon
• Bring $10 to get a t-shirt and support GCAP (not required)
• Help show our community that the war against HIV/AIDS is still on!

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland believe education & awareness can change lives. Email them your column suggestions: buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Sexual experimentation - whether with our own bodies or with someone else - is one way we learn about ourselves sexually. Instead of focusing on all the things we shouldn’t be doing for fear of shame, punishment or negative consequences, we can consider all the options open to us that might have the most positive effect on our sense of self. Then we can make good choices, on our own terms, about if, when and with whom we might try things sexually, whether that is holding hands or engaging in penetrative sex.

It’s Perfectly Normal

Sexual feelings, desires and fantasies are completely normal. While there is no universal age when people begin having more intense sexual feelings, puberty is generally a time when our bodies begin to change, giving us the ability to reproduce.  Hormonal changes pave the way for increased sexual desire, attraction, arousal and interest in other people in a romantic and sexual way. 

Discovering, exploring and becoming comfortable with their developing body is usually the way most people first experiment sexually. From this, they can discover what turns them on, how their body responds, what they like, and what they don’t like. In addition, they can discover what their thoughts, feelings and reactions are to their body and its response.

A Dual Experiment

Having an interest in experimenting sexually with someone else is also part of sexual development. This could include holding hands, kissing, looking at their body and showing them yours, talking or texting about sexuality, or mutual masturbation. Here are some ideas to help sexual experimentation be as pleasurable as possible.

Make sure it’s on your terms

Do only what you want. Society sends us lots of messages about how to “be” sexually. We’re told we should postpone any and all thoughts and behaviors until we’re older but are also told that we should be sexual at very young ages. Consider these messages and decide for yourself! Tune in to your own thoughts, ideas and beliefs: ”Do I want to engage in this behavior because I think I should or because I want to?”

No one develops at the same rate, in the same way or with the same experiences. We all have to make decisions about what feels best to us, what we want to experience, and what we don’t want to experience. It’s important to honor our own sexual development while also respecting others’ different decisions.

Build trust and respect.

If we view sexuality and its expression as normal and healthy, we also have to think twice about spreading sexual rumors, calling people bad names for being sexual, making jokes about others’ sexuality as a way to put them down, or sharing private information about people’s sexuality. To do this, we would build a community that was truly sex positive for everyone, not just certain people. This means we value everyone’s choices around their sexual development, not simply those who choose to “wait” or those who choose to “just do it.” It would mean there would be more options than just an all-or-nothing approach.

Feel it!

Sometimes we may numb out potential positive feelings with drugs or alcohol. Staying sober and in the moment can help us know what we like (or don’t). If sexual experimentation does not feel good, then it’s most likely not the right time, the right partner, the right environment, the right relationship or the right behavior. Things may feel physically wonderful but emotionally stressful  - or emotionally great but physically less great! Check-in with yourself and your partner to help your sexual experimentation feel really good for each of you!

Don’t get boxed in

If sexual experimentation is normalized for everyone (both males and females), then we can begin to respect and celebrate sexuality. Rather than shaming people who experiment, or having different standards for who can say “yes” and who should say “no,” we can start respecting each other as sexual beings, all struggling during the coming of age years to figure out who we are as sexual people.

Be proud!

This can be hard in an environment that sends us mixed messages about sexuality. We need to reclaim our sexuality and view it as something to be proud of! Although it may seem easier said than done, we should be proud of our choices, whatever they are. 

Check us out next week as we look for a cure for AIDS.

Sex 411: Eli Clare Coming to Campus!

Gawking, Gaping, Staring: Living in Marked Bodies
7pm, October 9, 2008
U of I ARC Auditorium, 201 E. Peabody Dr., Champaign

 Eli Clare weaves hope, critical analysis, and compassionate storytelling together in his work on disability and queerness, insisting on the twine of race, class, gender, sexuality, and disability.

Kim & Ross would like to thank their readers for all the thoughtful topic suggestions! To send them an idea, email them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Object of My Desire: The Ethics of Sexual Attraction

Sexual attraction is normal. Finding others sexually attractive or being found sexually attractive can be exciting, fun and sexy. But, Ross was recently talking to a friend who was worried about his attraction to the woman he was dating. This man had taken courses about the ways sexual objectification negatively affected women and men. And he definitely did not want to do this to the woman he cared about. But he wondered: was his sexual attraction objectifying? Was it wrong? If he found her attractive, did that mean he saw her as an object?

These may seem like extreme questions, but they are struggles we’ve heard men talk about. So Doin’ It Well wanted to take a moment to explore attraction and objectification and help bring sexy back - respectfully!

Subject or Object?

What is objectification exactly? Objectification is when a person is viewed and valued as an object for our own pleasure, versus as a person with humanity, thoughts, feelings, and ideas. For example, if we open any popular magazine (from Cosmo to Maxim), we will see women’s bodies, or just specific body parts, in the ads.  Viewing women’s bodies and finding them sexually attractive isn’t wrong; it’s the way that women’s bodies are repeatedly put on display that can be the issue (and which women are chosen for display). Not only do they fit a narrow standard of “beauty,” but they are often just parts- legs, breasts, butt- used to try to sell us something. In many ways, we’re taught not to consider women as a whole, human being. Instead we’re trained to view her “parts”, evaluate them and decide what we like and don’t like. It’s at this point that the woman is presented to us and becomes for us, an object, not a person.

Stealing a Glance

We all see these images and are taught to look at women’s bodies in this way. Boys and men alike may talk about a woman’s ass, tits, or legs, but have more trouble considering and talking about their personality. Ross had a student in a class who was talking about the ways he looks at women he meets at a bar. He confessed that he didn’t look them in the face, but looked at “Microphone One and Microphone Two,” (her breasts). As he thought about it, he realized he had never considered how that might make her feel. Her feelings and other aspects of her personhood hadn’t crossed his mind.

Because we are taught to look at women and eroticize specific parts of their bodies we may then have difficulty shifting from their “parts” back to a whole person. Objectification may have become so common that we don’t even know we’re doing it. We may not even know what these interactions would look like without the objectification.

At the extreme, objectification allows us to mistreat individuals with impunity. We can stare, grope, holler, or make comments and not be concerned about their feelings or wishes. In the less extreme, this objectification can affect our relationships with people. It’s difficult to have a respectful relationship with someone when we are more interested in their cleavage than their ideas. Many men we’ve worked with struggle with trying to find a way to honor their natural attraction while also respecting women as fellow human beings.

Ethical Attraction?

The first step to attraction without objectification is recognizing your feelings. Again, attraction is normal and natural, and it’s definitely not the problem! So when you experience attraction, pay attention to how you feel, and also how you are acting. How are you treating the other person? How are they feeling about your interaction? If you can, you might even talk with them about it. If you notice you are sexually attracted to someone, it may be helpful to add “and she is a person” to your internal dialogue. You may want to explore how that changes your attraction, thoughts, or the way you might then interact with that person.

Then think about how you’d like to treat that person. How do you think that person would want you to consider them and treat them?  Think about how you’d like someone to think about and express their attraction to a close woman in your life, like your mother or sister. You may not want to think about someone being sexually attracted to a family member, but if they were, what would their respect look like? How can you both honor your sexual attraction as being healthy and normal while also honoring the other person and their humanity?

Finally, practice! Changing the ways we may objectify isn’t going to happen overnight, because we probably have a lot more practice at objectifying than at not objectifying. Relearning how to look at and be with others isn’t easy, especially when we are surrounded by images that constantly tell us otherwise.  So be patient and stay committed to learning.

Stay tuned until next week as we explore sexual experimentation.

Sex 411:   Still Unsure? Check this out!

Chicago’s Teatro Luna presents “MACHOS” – how 50 men (and 8 women) learned how to be men!

7pm, Wednesday, October 1st

Auditorium of the Activities & Recreation Center, 211 E. Peabody Dr., Champaign

Jensen, R. Getting Off

Katz, J. The Macho Paradox

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland would like to hear from you. Send your comments and questions to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

On September 9^th it was reported on the CBS national news that the McCain camp had accused Barack Obama of supporting legislation in Illinois that would provide “sex education to kindergartners.” Obama’s team fired back saying McCain’s accusation was “shameful and disgusting,” going on to say that the education he supports is designed to protect kids from sexual abuse.

What McCain’s people were referencing are remarks made by Senator Obama during an appearance before Planned Parenthood in 2004. Obama supported a bill that would have expanded "age appropriate" sex-education from grades 6-12 to kindergarten through 12th grade. The bill never became law.

As Crazy as it Sounds

“Sex education for kindergartners” is a phrase that we’ve heard on the news before. It’s used in an inflammatory way, without any explanation of what it actually means.  Of course a phrase that includes sex and kindergartners in the same sentence is shocking and scary.  Our reactions might be different if we heard “sexuality education for kindergartners” since sexuality is a science: it is the study and understanding of human anatomy and biology, how we as humans reproduce and interact socially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Our fear of this science – let alone teaching it to kids - is somewhat understandable. When we hear the word “sex,” we may automatically think about what that word means for us as adults. We believe that sex=sexual behaviors because most of us did not receive sexuality education from the time we were little. We don’t know what it would look like for younger kids or what information it could include.

Also, when we think “sex education,” we might think about condoms, birth control, STDs or even this Doin’ It Well column. No one talked to us about other aspects of the science of sexuality, like the proper, scientific names for our bodies, how certain parts of our bodies are private, how babies are made, and how men produce sperm and women produce eggs after they reach puberty.

Just like math in kindergarten does not include calculus, sex education in kindergarten DOES NOT include discussions of sexual positions, condoms or other more complex topics. By suggesting this, it misleads us into opposing the information that kids need to live healthy lives.

Perverts and Pedophiles

Add into this mix the way our society addresses the issue of child sexual abuse. We may teach “stranger danger” to our kids, but we avoid discussing any of the specifics of sexual abuse, ignoring the vast majority of this abuse that is committed by known, trusted adults. Unfortunately, denying appropriate sex education to young people is part of the reason sexual abuse continues - children don’t have the language or opportunity to tell people about it. For many children, they are not believed when they do tell.

When we treat the subject of human sexuality as taboo, we also treat the abuse of sexuality as taboo as well. Perpetrators know this and use it against children. The lack of sex education for little ones leaves kids vulnerable to abuse - with no trusted adults who they feel comfortable talking to about it.  

Teaching children about their bodies and the difference between good touch and bad touch helps prevent and stop sexual abuse.

So what would you teach?

Experts in the field of sexual science have developed curriculum that outline age appropriate topics, messages and information for very young children. For example, the Sex Information and Education Council of the US (SIECUS) recommends that children ages 5-8 are taught that children’s bodies change as they grow older, that people have the ability to have children only after they reach puberty, that each part of our bodies, including the genitals, has a specific name and a specific function and that all body parts and functions are normal and healthy.

In addition, the following facts and information can be part of sexuality education for children ages 5-8:

• Women and men have reproductive organs that enable them to have a child
• When a woman is pregnant, a fetus grows inside her body, in the uterus (not in the stomach)
• Not all people choose to have children and men and women who cannot have a baby can choose to adopt one
• Individual bodies are different sizes, shapes and colors; these differences make us unique
• Everyone should be proud of the body they have
• Making fun of people by calling them names, including names like “fag” or “homo” is disrespectful and hurts people’s feelings
• Some reproductive organs are on the outside of the body, like a penis or vulva and some are on the inside like the uterus.
• There are all types of families, some with one parent, some with two, some with a mommy & daddy, some with two daddies or two mommies or a grandparent, etc.
• Biological “sex” refers to if a person is male or female. 

In addition to the above, very young children (Kindergartners) can be taught the difference between what secrets are OK to keep (like a surprise birthday party) and which secrets should be told (someone is hurting me).  Children can be taught to respect the bodies of others, while celebrating their own body.

Teaching kids about healthy sexuality starting at a young age leads to sexually healthier adults and a healthier society.

Stay tuned next week as Kim & Ross explore the ethics of sexual attraction.

Sex 411 Resources for Sexuality Education for Young Children

Happy Birthday by Robie Harris

It’s Not the Stork by Robie Harris (ages 4 & up)

SIECUS guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education for K-12:

http://www.siecus.org/_data/global/images/guidelines.pdf

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland can’t write it well without you! Send them your comments and questions to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Lately we’ve been thinking about parties. Not birthday parties, retirement parties, or Labor Day cookouts – though any of those can be a good excuse for a party. But we’ve been thinking about the parties that get thrown at the beginning of the semester and how sexual behavior (in all forms) is an implicit part of socializing at such events.

Parties are a place for people to connect with one another, meet new people and relax after a week of work or studying. Part of this “good time” can be about sexuality: whether that means just flirting with someone, getting someone’s phone number, making out, or having sex. Many times, this happens casually as a natural product of socializing. But sometimes, parties are set up in advance specifically to facilitate sex. There isn’t anything wrong with socializing for the purpose of sex, so long as everyone is free to make their own decisions about what they want. But, a party that is unsafe is not sexy or fun. As a good host, the safety of all your guests, sexually and otherwise, is important. Here are some of our thoughts on how to create a safe, sexy party.

Yes Yes Yes!

Obviously, if we’re going to create a sexy party, it has to be okay for people to express their sexual desires respectfully. For example, it is respectful to let someone know that you find them attractive or that you want to hook up with them. But, it is disrespectful to keep talking to them about it after they’ve shown you that they aren’t interested. It’s un-sexy to harass or feel entitled to something (sex) or someone.  It’s respectful to allow people to express their desires (or even act on them) without fear of shame or punishment from their friends. It’s totally disrespectful to call someone a slut or whore for being sexual. Parties should be a safe place where all people can express their sexuality in ways they want, while respecting others, without judgment or retaliation.

No No No?

Just as important as the right to say, “yes,” is the permission to say no. Saying “no” shouldn’t result in being called frigid or a prude; people should be able to have fun on their own terms without being subjected to further pressure to be sexual (especially for someone else’s benefit).

Party Supplies

A good party host is also prepared. If it’s likely that your guests might hook up in the mutually pleasurable and respectful environment you’ve created, you might want to have some condoms or other latex barriers available. It’s your call whether you have them on the living room table or in a bathroom drawer.

But safety is more than just wearing a love glove; check up on people occasionally. A sex dungeon (place where people have public sex) in San Francisco actually employs people to walk around and check for consent. What if we allowed people to do this at parties here? It may sound weird at first, but would you mind if someone asked you if you were both okay with what was happening? Wouldn’t you appreciate it if you weren’t? It could be as simple as saying “is everyone good here?” or “Are you both cool?”

Where’s the liquor?

Alcohol plays an interesting role when we’re talking about having a sexy party. Although not a necessity, alcohol often is used to loosen people up and lower anxiety about socializing. Some people may be friendlier or even more sexual when drinking. This effect is partially about the ways alcohol affects our bodies, but it is also about what we expect alcohol to do because of what advertising promises us.

At the same time, some parties may use alcohol to target individuals – often women – to get them heavily intoxicated for the purpose of having sex with them. We see this happen at bars and parties – men buy women drinks, often giving them drinks with high alcohol content masked by a fruity taste. Sometimes this is seen as part of the “game;” you give someone drinks and keep trying until they can’t say no. This is a dangerous game for everyone. The women at these parties are being targeted for what could be consensual sex (if they want to have sex), but what could be rape. The men at these parties can be leaving their female friends open to sexual violence, and their male friends open to harming women.

We want to speak very directly to men. Many of these parties are thrown by men and target women. There is nothing inherently wrong with men throwing parties or men hoping to hook up with someone, but when it comes at the price of feeding someone drinks until they stop saying no, that just isn’t cool. Men: you have a responsibility to your party guests – male and female. A good host creates a party where rape is unlikely, not inevitable. So watch out for each other and create an environment of mutual caring and respect That’s very sexy!

Stay tuned next week as we explore whether sex ed really is for kindergarteners.

Sex 411: Sexy Party Tips

• Don’t pressure people to drink
• Avoid serving jungle juice or mixed drinks
• Watch out for people who have had too much to drink
• Distract or remove people hitting on very drunk guests

Thanks to Mark, Trevor, and Jose from the Fraternity Peer Rape Education Program for their sexy party tips!

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland are waiting for your comments and questions. Contact them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

When did you “come out” as straight? Do you think it may just be a phase? What do you think made you straight? These questions sound ridiculous; in our society, being straight is the acceptable and “normal” sexual orientation. So “normal” that straight folks don’t have to “come out”; it’s assumed. But for lesbian, gay or bisexual people in our society, the process of “coming out” may not be so easy.

“Coming out” is a complex process where LGB people have to make repeated choices about if, when and with whom to share their sexual orientation. Coming out isn’t absolute; some people choose to remain “closeted” entirely, with certain people (being out to friends but not family), or within certain circumstances (work).  A person who is “in the closet” always or often hides the fact that they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered. Because coming out is something that we may not always understand, this week Doin’ It Well decided to explore the closet, being in it and coming out.  Because sexual orientation is different than gender identity, we are focusing on people who are LGB. 

Exploring the Closet

Because people who grow up lesbian, gay or bisexual usually cannot express their same sex attractions, feelings and fantasies, their LGB identity does not always become part of their public persona. Sometimes LGB folks keep these feelings and attractions so far out of their awareness, they may be unable to fully realize or acknowledge them; meaning, they are unable to come out, even to themselves.

Many people, LGB and straight alike often have their own opinions about how someone should come out. Deciding to open the closet door or keep it closed is an individual decision. It is unique to each person, and each person experiences coming out in their own way, with none, little or a lot of difficulty. People may spend years struggling with their sexual identity, remaining in the closet for a long time.

Generally speaking, there are two main steps involved in coming out: coming out to self and, then, coming out to others. The first step may be easy for some (“I’ve always known I was a lesbian”) and more challenging or even impossible to others (“I may be attracted to members of my sex but I am not, can not, be “gay”).

If a person is able to overcome the messages and pressures of their environment, they may come out to themselves, acknowledging and accepting that they are LGB. But sometimes, the messages that say being gay, lesbian or bisexual is “bad” are so powerful that LGB folks may avoid any feelings they may have, keeping them out of their awareness. It may feel like being anything other than straight is not an option.

Staying IN

 Just as there are reasons for coming out, there are often reasons and even benefits of staying in the closet. How, when and where people choose to be out varies by their individual circumstances. While it can be costly emotionally, it can have its benefits, too. By remaining closeted, a person may preserve a relationship that may end if they decide to come out. Also, because being LGB gets different attention than being straight, they may feel like being closeted will help them be seen as who they are versus someone’s “gay friend.” In effect, they may be physically, emotionally or financially safer in the closet, depending on the circumstances.  We are not advocating that folks don’t come out, but we do recognize the risks involved with that process.

Coming OUT

Just as there are reasons for remaining closeted, there are also many reasons to understand our sexual orientation and come out. Coming out recognizes that our sexuality is an important part of our identity, and that by coming out, we have the chance to be recognized for our complete selves, not just the “acceptable” portions.

Coming out is a personal choice. But sometimes we feel that LGB folks should come out to us, as if they owe us. We may even create a dynamic where we expect people to come out, but don’t make a safe environment for that “outing.” Respect the struggles, benefits and liabilities of what it means for an individual person to disclose their sexual orientation, and let them make the decision on their own – whether or not they come out to us.

What will coming out be like? It all depends on a number of factors, some of which have to do with tolerance of LGB people experienced by family, media, religion and culture. We all have a part in creating an environment that is safe and comfortable for people to express who they are without fear of prejudice, being thrown out of their homes, loss of relationships or other consequences.

Who Needs A Closet Anyway?       

Kids who grow up gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, intersex or anything other than “straight”, usually have very few resources and support systems to help them sort through not only their feelings but the homophobic world in which they live. The anti-LGBT prejudices they experience might exist at school, at church or right in their home, leaving few safe spaces to actually open the door and come out.  It’s up to all of us to change this so that everyone can be out and about as the people they truly are.

Check us out next week as we explore sexy party tips!

Sex 411:

Office of LGBT Resources, 323 Illini Union, www.odos.uiuc.edu/lgbt 

Bornstein, Kate. Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws

Kim Rice and Ross Wantland answer reader questions in their column. Write to them at buzzdoinitwell (at) yahoo (dot) com

While they may not be an official part of the Olympics, golden showers and other “water sports” have been enjoyed as a sexual practice for a long time.   Usually referring to urinating or being urinated on by others, water sports are usually seen only as part of BDSM (bondage, discipline/domination, submission/sadism, masochism) sex or in certain pornography films (usually with a BDSM theme). But some people may have questions about water sports, whether or not they are interested in exploring kinkier sex, so we decided to give our readers some information for safe and enjoyable pee play.

Putting the Pee in Play

 The medical professionals call water sports urolagnia, urophilia (urine loving), or even urophagia (consuming urine). Whatever we call it, some folks may wonder why people do it. Those who engage in pee play talk about the early shame and taboo attached to urine and bladder control and how engaging in something so taboo enhances sexual excitement. For some, urinating upon another is a way to play with trust, boundaries, and power. Additionally, the experience of urinating (or trying not to) may feel similar to sensations during sexual arousal.

Water sports can also include activities beyond urinating on one another, and may include role-plays wherein one partner dictates when and where their submissive partner urinates. Sometimes the humiliation as part of these well-scripted and agreed upon scenes are what adds to arousal.  People use their shower or tub as the location for easy clean up. However, some people purchase rubber sheets, use a tile floor, or any number of areas for engaging water sports, whether by themselves or with a partner.

Safety is Golden

One of the reasons that water sports are relatively safe is that urine is mostly sterile and water soluble (meaning it washes away with water). Your kidneys take water-soluble waste out of the blood, producing urine, a combination of water, urea, uric acid, and other waste products.

For folks who engage in water sports, it is important to know the health of both yourself and your partner. Although diseases that are transferred primarily via blood-to-blood contact (like HIV or Hepatitis-C) are highly unlikely to be transmitted in the urine, theoretically Hepatitis-B or bacterial infections that may be in the urethra or on genital tissue could be transmitted. Of course if there is blood in the urine, it increases the risk of transmitting an infection (and the person probably should seek medical attention).

Drinking

As part of water sports, some folks may want to ingest their own or their partner’s urine. This can be an aspect of power play and isn’t necessarily bad for you. According to those who have done so, urine tastes slightly salty and bitter, but not unpleasant. Even if it is your own urine, there is a small risk of passing along an infection (or moving it from one part of your body to another). Also, because urine is your body’s way of getting rid of waste, you may be putting overflow vitamins, minerals, or toxins into your body. Additionally, if your partner uses drugs and you ingest their urine, you may test positive on drug tests. Be aware of the health of everyone involved, and talk to your medical provider if you notice any issues. 

It’s Not Easy Peeing Green

Diet and intake of fluids can greatly affect the smell, color and taste of the urine. Having a rich meal the day before or consuming pungent foods (like asparagus or eggs) can make the smell & taste more intense. Drinking lots of water, fruit juices or other sweet drinks the day before can help dilute the urine, can improve the smell and taste.

Pissed On or Pissed Off?

Having an interest in water sports is perfectly normal and healthy, but it may not be something that every partner is into, so respect boundaries.  As with any BDSM play, it is important that partners communicate openly and always seek consent. Respect a partner who expresses a desire for peeing and also respect a partner who does not wish to experience their sexuality in this way.

Letter About “Language Lesson”

Dear Kim and Ross,

 I write in response to the article entitled "Language Lesson: Beyond PC." ( August 7, 2008) What stands out the most for me is how the article claims a sort of unified voice for the gay community.  Many gays do not find the question, "Are you gay?" offensive nor the question "Are you a homosexual?" since both (albeit their pejorative history as the authors invoked) are pretty neutral terms used to define a man and or a woman who prefers the sexual companionship of the same sex.  I am glad to have read [the article] yet I still want to emphasize the normality and properness of the words "gay" and "homosexual".

-DM

Dear DM,

You make an excellent point - if we are talking about using the language the people feel the most comfortable with, then that will encompass all words. We hope that whatever words we use to describe ourselves that mutual respect and caring is a major component of that.

Stay tuned next week as we explore the closet!

Sex 411: Before You “Go”

• Know both you and your partner’s health
• Drink plenty of fluids, especially water
• Talk with each other about expectations and boundaries

Kim and Ross know that you have some questions you’ve been dying to ask. So ask! E-mail them at buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com

Dear Kim & Ross:

An article on the sexual health effects of smoking (esp. erectile dysfunction) would be great-PM

PM-

Thanks for the suggestion for a column that addresses the ways that smoking affects sexual health. Most of us know that smoking is unhealthy and negatively affects all systems of the body, both in short and long term ways. But some people may not know how smoking specifically affects sexual health.

Most of the time when we talk about what is “healthy” there are not-so-subtle scare tactics at work to make us run screaming from the unhealthy product, whether that is high-fructose corn syrup or meth. For individuals who are addicted, the choice to quit is a personal one. While we realize that stating this information probably won’t cause people to quit their addiction to cigarettes, everyone should be equipped with the information to allow them to make informed decisions about their sex lives. So this week we address not only smoking, but additional ways to be sexually healthy.

Up in Smoke?

When we think of the side effects of smoking, lung cancer is usually the first. However, smoking actually increases the risk of all cancers, including cervical, ovarian and breast cancer. In addition to the sexual effects of cancer (and cancer treatment), more research also links smoking as a causal factor in erectile dysfunction, as smoking affects the circulatory system. Some men (even younger guys) find that if they quit smoking (cigarettes or weed), their erections improve.

Women who smoke are faced with fewer birth control options since smoking, especially in women over the age of 35, dramatically increases the risk of heart attack or stroke when combined with hormone birth control. Also, smoking decreases fertility in both men and women, both in the immediate sense (if you’re trying to get pregnant today) and in the future, because smoking affects a woman’s menstrual cycle making pregnancy more difficult and lowers sperm count. (But smoking is not an effective form of birth control!) Also, smoking increases the risk of ectopic pregnancy. Clearly, avoiding cigarettes can have a beneficial impact on our sexual health.

Sexually Well-Rounded

Much of the time, efforts are focused on the physical aspects of sexuality and health, including how we approach sex education classes to pregnancy and STD prevention campaigns. The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S. (SIECUS) takes a more holistic approach in its document “Life Behaviors of a Sexually Healthy Adult.” According to SIECUS (and we agree), there are many aspects to sexuality, including emotional development, relationships, interpersonal skills, sexual behaviors and the sexuality of our society.

Are you Sexually Healthy?

A sexually healthy adult will develop fully in each dimension and continue to evolve to be the healthiest they can be. But because we have few role models and lack of education and resources, this can be challenging. Until we begin to view sexuality as a natural and wonderful part of the human experience, we will always be conflicted about sexuality, sexual behavior and sexual health. So - with many thanks to SIECUS - here is a helpful guide to becoming sexually healthy.

A Sexually Healthy Adult Will…

Development:

• Appreciate one’s own body.
• Seek information about reproduction
• Affirm that human development includes sexual development
• Acknowledge that sexual development may or may not include reproduction or sexual experiences
• Interact with other genders in respectful and appropriate ways
• Affirm one’s own sexual orientation and respect the sexual orientations of others

Relationships:

• Express love and intimacy in appropriate ways
• Develop and maintain meaningful relationships
• Avoid exploitative or manipulative relationships
• Make informed choices about family options and lifestyles
• Develop skills that enhance personal relationships

Personal Skills:

• Identify and live according to one’s values
• Practice effective decision making
• Communicate openly and effectively with others
• Take responsibility for one’s own behavior

Sexual Behavior:

• Enjoy and express one’s sexuality throughout life
• Express one’s sexuality in ways that are congruent with one’s values
• Enjoy sexual feelings without necessarily acting on them
• Discriminate between life-enhancing sexual behaviors and those that are harmful to self and/or others
• Express one’s sexuality while respecting the rights of others
• Seek new information to enhance one’s sexuality
• Engage in sexual relationships that are characterized by honesty, equity and responsibility

Sexual Health:

• Use contraception effectively to avoid unintended pregnancy
• Recognize the importance of overall health on sexual health
• Seek early prenatal care
• Avoid contracting or transmitting a sexually transmitted disease
• Seek medical care when possible STD exposure occurs or symptoms are present
• Acts consistent with one’s values when dealing with an unintended pregnancy
• Prevent sexual abuse of children

Society & Culture:

• Demonstrate tolerance for people with different sexual values or lifestyles
• Exercise democratic responsibility to influence legislation dealing with sexual issues
• Assess the impact of family, cultural, religious, media and societal messages on one’s feelings, thoughts, values and behaviors related to sexuality
• Avoid behaviors that exhibit bigotry, prejudice, abuse, or exploit others
• Educate others about sexuality, including young people
• Reject stereotypes about the sexuality of diverse populations
• Actively work to end sexual violence, including sexual harassment

Take some time to decide how sexually healthy you are in each of the categories outlined above. None of us are fully evolved sexually; that is a lifelong process! But by taking the time to examine the areas in which we’d like to develop further, we can all start actively working towards sexual health, for ourselves and our loved ones. Here’s to sexually healthy society!

Check us out next week as we get into the Olympic spirit and play around with watersports.

Sex 411: Sexuality & Health

www.sexedlibrary.org

www.siecus.org

Send Kim and Ross your comments and ideas to buzzdoinitwell@yahoo.com or read their past columns at www.doinitwell.blog.com

Got You Pegged

In reality, pegging is simply anal sex. But because we assume that 1) anal sex is only for gay men and 2) men are "on top," pegging is seen totally differently. For men and women, the butt, the anus, and the rectum are all erogenous areas of the body. For men, the prostate gland (2-3 inches inside the body between the base of the penis and the anus,) is also extremely sensitive. Because men may not learn this about their bodies, however, many men may be shocked during their first prostate exam when they get an erection. However, the fact is that stimulating these areas of our bodies can create sexual arousal and even orgasm.

Should straight couples worry if the male is interested in being anally stimulated or penetrated? Not at all; interest in anal penetration, whether you're the receptive male or the penetrating female, doesn't mean you're "gay" or "lesbian."  People of all sexual orientations and genders enjoy anal play- although we're focusing females penetrating males for this column.  

Despite (or maybe because of) the stigma attached to anal sex, pegging can be a fun, new experience for partners who are interested. Some couples enjoy the taboo of women penetrating their male partner, and some women may like the experience of having their own phallus. She may enjoy the sensation of masturbating her dildo or even watching her male partner give her fellatio. Although some couples may role play around pegging, for other couples, pegging may be a very routine and regular aspect of their sex lives.

Let's Talk About Peg

Like all sex, the most important aspect of good, hot pegging is open communication. Talk with each other about your expectations and boundaries. Let your partner know what you'd like to experience, and let them share their interests, too. And when anal sex actually begins, continuing talking!. What feels good? What would feel better? Is there enough lube? Should you slow down or speed up? Remember, (regardless of mainstream porn's hard and fast approach) that the person being penetrated (especially initially) should control the depth and speed of thrusting.

Know Yourself

For some men, anal stimulation may be new, so you may not be able to give your partner much guidance during pegging. By yourself, explore your butt, anus, and rectum to find out what you like and what feels good. Try stimulation with your fingers, butt plug or dildo. Because the anus is surrounded by muscles, you may want to work up to full penetration, using your fingers or smaller dildos to help you get comfortable. (Remember, do not insert any object not intended for anal play; if it does not have a flared base, it can get stuck!)

Lube It Up

We've said it before, and we'll say it again: anal sex requires lots of lube. Find a thick, water-based or silicone lube that works best for you. Read the bottle, as some anal lubes advertise desensitizing ingredients - meant to make a penetrating male last longer or to numb a receptive partner for "harder" penetration. We don't recommend these..

Because there is no risk for pregnancy and little risk for STDs with pegging, couples may forego condom use. However, if you are unsure of your partner's status, do not insert a dildo into the vagina and then into a partners rectum. This can transmit STDs. And likewise, do not insert a dildo that has been in a rectum into any other body part without fully cleaning it or changing a condom.

Getting It (Strapped) On

Perhaps the most important aspect of pegging is finding the gear that is right for you and your partner. Strap-on sex requires a dildo or phallus with a flared base, and a harness, a device with a ring that holds the dildo firmly in place. Harnesses can range from bicycle shorts to g-string underwear to thigh or waist straps (which leave room for digital stimulation of the wearer). Dildos themselves can come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and materials.

Just because you're on top doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself, too. The base of the dildo may provide some clitoral stimulation during sex play. Additionally, some dildos/harnesses may come with vibrating parts or can be used with vibrating cock rings, which may provide additional stimulation to both the wearer and their partner. Additionally, there are double-headed dildos which penetrate the wearer and their partner simultaneously. If you want this sensation, but need different sizes/shapes, some harnesses allow the wearer to pack two dildos simultaneously (one inside, one outside).

Harnesses and dildos are available at most sex shops and online. Shop around, read some customer reviews, try it out, and find what is best for you!

Check us out next week as we discuss what it means to be sexually healthy.

Sex 411: Pegging Resources

Blue, V. The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Strap-On Sex

Queen, C. Bend Over Boyfriend series